suicide turned backwards

I attempted to end it all
But I didn't even fall
Blood running from my nose and mouth
But pain I felt no amount
My mother who was beside me let out a stunned shout
After the shot rang out
To the hospital I went
Five days in intensive care
Three in psyche
But now there is little permanent
Damage aside from the lead
Lodged in my skull
I'm just lucky I'm not dead
All I wanted was to end it all
My depression had tortured me till my heart had become cement
But now its like
I have come back into life
Not that I ever died
But I am finally alive
Don't ask me why..