not again

A writer who stops writing
Is committing emotional suicide
I feel like as if I had died
Still ceasing to come back to life
My days are dark and lonely
The Devil is calling for me
5 months free from my addiction
The beast wants so badly to be let back in
Not a day goes by I don't think of you
My partner hasn't the slightest clue
How much I still crave you
He'd leave me in a heartbeat
If I ever let that IV seep
I want you in the worst way
There's no shooing this feeling away
I dream of you at night
I wake up in a blissful fright
I almost had you right in my grip
I almost felt your satisfying drip
Gasp
I'm awake and I can't see my feet
A baby bump is there and I sigh in defeat
I try to kick you from my thoughts
They keep me up
I'm so distraught
I could have you if I really wanted
But I won't have my child be corrupted