How many ways can you say I'm done

Lonely is the only emotion I feel, sitting on the counter  
Plopped down, flicking guilt  
Remanence on paper, I use to heal  
I chose to be ill  
I'm the unattached sexual desire  
Conversation not required    
Tormented love, consumed and killed  
Around this pole, twisted and unthrilled  
Patiently waiting on something  
My tied up body feels nothing  
Still insanity quenches the thrusting  
When will we finally become dirty and musty  
I can no longer conceal our secret, smiling    
Annoyed with me, I'm done hiding  
Tonight I'm not grieving    
Deceived, here is your rope of control  
I need to find the cover for my gaping hole