Dear Me in the Morning...

Those with their glasses half full would say that this is just a temporary setback. A transition period on your journey of self discovery. Those with their glasses half empty would tell you that your glass is completely empty, knocked off the table and shattered on the floor in a thousand jagged pieces.

That second scenario is probably most accurate, because when you wake up in the morning, nothing will be there. Not a thing that you worked for, saved for, hoped for will be there. No job, no car, no money, no home, no partner, no love, nothing.

Don't bother checking your phone. It doesn't ring, so there won't be any missed calls. No "Good morning" or "I hope you have a good day" texts. There is no one out there to confide in, vent to. No one to lean on. No one will wake up and wonder where you are in the world and hope your paths cross. The friends are gone. The calvary won't come.

You are alone.

Maybe it's karma, coming after you for breaking those hearts before you knew better. Turning your back on your high school sweetheart. Cheating on your ex. Or maybe that one with a wife that he conveniently forgot to mention.

Yeah, that was a mess.

Maybe the universe just pulled your number.

Whatever the case may be, when you open your eyes, reality will hit you like a ton of bricks, and it will hurt like hell. You will feel helpless against a world that turned its back on you when you needed it. You will feel weak from clinging so desperately to your dreams, only to have them ripped away, so slowly at first that you almost thought you had a chance. And then all at once, so violently that it cracked those rose colored glasses of yours...

You will spend your days staring into space, not a thought to be lost in, almost as if you switched your brain into autopilot. Doing only what you have to do to get where you need to be. Not daring to mess with the controls, because being left to your own devices will definitely lead to crashing and burning.

Your nights will be rough. You will replay the should haves and could haves over and over, in the shadows behind your tears. You'll be jerked from any temporary solace of slumber by the nightmares of what you never even had.

But you will wake up, and start all over again

This hell will play on a continuous loop, bludgeoning you day after day until you finally embrace 3 important truths...
The enormity of that which you've lost, the value of the woman you once were, and that no matter how relentless your desire, neither one is coming back.

You can put yourself back together again. You just have a mess to sort through first. I'm sure the pieces are there, somewhere...

You're in the shit now darling
Start shoveling....