Aftermeth

You are horrid for the hole you put me into.
Leaving me with only excuses
to use in digging out
when I could have used a hand.

You shot me up again and again with anger.
Another drug in your arsenal of addiction,
and one I never warranted.

My unwilling veins burned
as the hate flowed through,
rendering me useless
and finally
Pounding my heart into silent acceptance.

If I am all you say, why are you still here?
In the haze, I don't know what to believe.

You never knew the taste of my tears,
and while shouldering the blame in words,
you are consistent
in shrugging off the consequences.

You'll never see the pain nor touch the scars,
and I've not the words to relive it all again.

The fear of you was as intense as my desire.

Still you want more,
when there is less of me to give.

Every word of understanding you have is feigned.

You are a nightmare
wrapped in a dream,
with explosions of pleasure
and traces of regret...

For letting you close enough
to leave me in this hole.

There was more relief than I knew
When you finally took your shadow from me.

I miss many things, but not the cold,
and I can finally see the sky.