Do I love?

God, I'm not sure how you do it. A love that never fails. Love that loves without expectation and endorse through all the pain. Your love is something my heart can not explain.

You say that love is patient, enduring all things. That its kind and protects. You tell me that it delights in truth. Always trusting, and always hoping. Love perseveres!

Surly there is something wrong. I must be not that far along. Patients is worn thin. Enduring I think I can. Kind, I seem to be fading. And while trying to protect I've become angry. Truth is hard to swallow and trust is hard to give. Hope is a flick I hold on to when darkness seems to be creeping in. Persevere love must, though sometimes I think enough is enough.

You say that love is not self seeking, never boasting or proud. It is not envious, not easily angered.  Never delighting in evil or keeping records of wrong. It doesn't dishonor others and it never fails.

God I can see it, something is off in me. A hidden expectation to receive love back from them. A hearts desire to tell of my great love. To compare others to myself in expressions, works that I have done. Jealous of a man that haunts them in their dreams. Angry that my love hasn't washed away his memory. The thoughts I have about him, so glad only you can see. I'm forgiven so much and yet this list of things I do keep, a quiver equipped, a dark place in me. Given honor when honor is given, what's wrong with me. If love never fails then do I love at all?

God I want to be like you, won't you change me heart. Teach me your ways, correct me and make my path straight! Don't let my lack of love distort their view of you. Don't let me be a stumbling block keeping them from you! Forgive me farther for my love is nothing like you.