bella haven

what if I said that I was lonely
and you are the one that makes life lovely  
would you be there for me?
if I had you  
I would hold you  
so close
that I could hear your breath by my ear  
I miss at night when you would hold me
and stop the dreams from turning into screams  
you would get close as you could and wrap your legs around me  
whisper in my ear that you loved me  
stopping all the demons from feasting in me  
I wish you were with me and in my arms  
using your fingers to trace all my scars  
when you had bad dreams  
I would wipe your tears away when you would sleep
you would nuzzle and scooch closer to me  
unknowingly
that I was awake holding and protecting you from your evil dreams which were really memories  
you would cry out in the middle of each night  
screaming and hurting  
and each night I would hold you and cry  
feeling all the pain from your life  
I held you each night until one night there were no more cries  
you just snuggled me quietly all night  
I felt I succeeded somehow  
when you would wake  
you would rise with a beautiful smile  
that inside made me feel like a child  
I loved waking up every day next to you  
I would reach my arm out each night just to feel you  
feeling so good that you were still there with me  
ending the pain I felt every day with such misery  
you took all the pain from me  
with you I felt I was finally free
and free to be happy  
but that's just an illusion in life now I see  
then one day  
you just disappeared  
and I was left here  
alone  
and with no one  
I sat on the edge of the bed  
and it all came rushing in  
this is it
I will never love again  
I sat there for days  
just staring at the wall
just wishing to see you  
or at least hear your voice in a call
but again  
I was left with nothing  
not even a note  
just a facebook message  
saying
 
" im done playing "
 
what kind of heartless bitch does that  
i was your fiance you dont do that
and you wonder now why I wanna fillet you  
you broke the nicest man  
who was ever in your life  
remember how you would hold me and cry  
saying you never had this love  
this kinda of life  
you said you've never been loved so intensely in your life  
it blew your mind  
but something in you was never just right  
you had to run from this beautiful life  
you took my heart with you because that day I died  
never again will I love women like you in my life  
you showed me that I was ok
alright
I wasn't a monster at least in your eyes  
I love you for what you had given me  
true love at least that was my feeling  
but I hate you for what you took from me  
my hope of ever loving again
I really don't care if you love me or not  
I just want you back
I know it's sad as fuck  
but I cant stop my heart from loving you  
just like my soul from missing you  
i know were thru  
so  
idk
fuck you i guess lol