Hey God, can you hear me?

Once again I look to the sky and ask God, why. The only voice I ever here is that of mine.  I curse at the heavens to give me an answer. My life is a gift. So why is living like a cancer?  No reason to be here, no reason to leave. The joy never outlasts the grief.  For what I was taught to believe is not what it is. love is unconditional and yet God has conditions. I can only assume that God must be twisted.  You gave us the world than you slam it on our head. I question the reality of why we live to regret. I was taught to believe that youd be my loving guide. Am I supposed to keep pretending that you love me. For the task of it all gets harder by the week. Up there you sit keeping  a watchful eye. Yet you must turn the other way as you see your children cry.  You show us  little mercy as your angels crack their whips. Am I supposed to be greatful for being cut down and ripped.  I can only hope that your nothing that ive been told. Because you act  like a god that left us on our own. Something like an absent parent. For a creator of life should be loving and caring. Your a deadbeat God that couldnt wait to split. I hope you never think that you've been missed. I never knew who you were so why  do you want to know me. I have been talking to you for years. Without a single response  to ever comfort my fears. Am I living for you so I can love thee? Another question unanswered to the one that wants me to believe.