Goodbye

My world revolves around the sun that is you
Caught in your pull, my every move depends on you
I edge closer through the years
only to see you pulling her to you in a matter of days
I try to tell you how I feel
only to have you laugh at the joke you think I just made
I jump at the chance of being near you
Your touch sends chills down my spine
I check my phone just to see that yet again, there is no reply from you
But why?
Why don't you love me?
Why am I not good enough for you?
Why does your mere gaze make me feel like a fire is burning in my gut, a raging inferno that will never be put out because your eyes are water and they're never really on me.
She is the one drowning in your gaze, not me.
Why do I long to be near you, knowing that being with you is like a chasm and I'm teetering on the edge, until I'm falling
Did you hear that?
I'm falling
but so is she.
And she's the one you choose to catch.
No matter how many times I try to make my mark on you, it keeps rubbing off. I write with the permanent ink of my own soul and it is still not enough to keep you with me.
Because you're not mine.
You never have been
You've never wanted to be.
So, my dear, dear, friend.
I have to say goodbye.
I can't be by your side every second of the day
while I am constantly reminded that you will never be mine.
While I'm constantly being destroyed in the supernova that is your smile, drowning in the ocean that is your laugh.
I can't stand by and fake a smile while you look at her the way I look at you
while you look at her like she is the sun and I am the moon, a mere reflection of her radiance.
while being around you makes my very being ache with jealousy and the floodgates in my eyes nearly burst with the water that I can't let out
Because if I do
If I open those gates
The flood will consume everything I love, everything close to me
Except for you.
So I need to say goodbye to you my dear, dear friend.
I'll miss you.
But you won't miss me.