I have no idea how I have friends
Do they share the same dark feelings?
Are they on some kind of drug I wish I was on?
Something that told them that I was a decent person
What do they see in a pile of shit like myself?
How can they see a future in someone so dark?
Do they hope they can resurrect something unholy?
Am I, in effect, dragging them further to the pits of hell?
Does it burn their fingertips when they give me a pat on the back?
Does it make them feel cold when they give me a hug?
When they cry, is it because of my story or a symbolic internal understanding?
Would they miss me if I killed myself tonight, or rejoice in finding eternal peace?
Would they even remember my name when they turn old and grey?
Questions left unanswered as I pull back the hammer of my 1911
Then somehow finding itself uncocked as it further circulates my mind
Just knowing that someone cares makes the pain subside momentarily
Before I decide to permanently end my mortality