deepundergroundpoetry.com
Hide and Seek
.
Astride, leaning inward
sweeping my woven plait
across your hairy pate.
Your eyes squint, laugh lines crease,
the rest I wonder who
it feels like, grazing through,
floating, without a catch
o'er the course, peppered thatch,
hiding your face amid,
while, between thighs rubbed raw
as you skid in the push,
chafe of that pepper bush!
©2016 Jade Pandora. All Rights Reserved.
I wrote each stanza in tercet, with 6 syllables per line.
This piece was a runner-up in the DUP competition "Stroking that head..."
,
Astride, leaning inward
sweeping my woven plait
across your hairy pate.
Your eyes squint, laugh lines crease,
the rest I wonder who
it feels like, grazing through,
floating, without a catch
o'er the course, peppered thatch,
hiding your face amid,
while, between thighs rubbed raw
as you skid in the push,
chafe of that pepper bush!
©2016 Jade Pandora. All Rights Reserved.
I wrote each stanza in tercet, with 6 syllables per line.
This piece was a runner-up in the DUP competition "Stroking that head..."
,
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 8
reading list entries 0
comments 10
reads 852
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Re. Hide and Seek
21st Jan 2016 1:12pm
Fantastic job with the syllable discipline . In addition i loved the use of rhyme, and word inversion that helps to defamiliarize the reader - thus providing tasty word surprises for the mind. Well done.
1
Re: Re. Hide and Seek
21st Jan 2016 1:54pm
Tasty word surprises, yummm! Oh Ed, it's moments like these kind of comments that make it all worth while. I learn from your words as you learn from mine. Wonderful insight. Aw and thank you so much.
Re. Hide and Seek
21st Jan 2016 1:49pm
I am very partial to this one... loved it in the comp...
Now I can praise it here...
Yes I really like this... really like it
Now I can praise it here...
Yes I really like this... really like it
1
Re: Re. Hide and Seek
Thank you so much, Geoff. And um... did you like it? I mean really like it?
Heheh. I couldn't resist. Cats tease, so do brats!
Heheh. I couldn't resist. Cats tease, so do brats!
Re. Hide and Seek
21st Jan 2016 5:54pm
Hide and seek indeed. Deliciously spiced to my liking. The harvest was bountiful this fall. I don't know how I missed the comp.
JJ
JJ
1
Re: Re. Hide and Seek
23rd Jan 2016 10:48am
Thank you for sharing that bit of intrigue, JJ, I'm so glad you enjoyed the balance of spice in the mix.
Re. Hide and Seek
21st Jan 2016 10:01pm
It seems it would take a lot of discipline to continue with six syllables per line. I bow in supplication to your patience and talent Jade. It seems this should have been a winner instead of a runner up. Excellent work. Not a surprise that, coming from you. I really really liked it, not teasing at all.
John
John
1
Re: Re. Hide and Seek
23rd Jan 2016 10:52am
Your sentiment and appreciation means more to me, so please accept my humble thanks, John. Oh yes, I enjoy giving myself challenges like that. I just posted a new piece that came from another challenge, slightly different, that helped set the tone.
Re. Hide and Seek
22nd Jan 2016 4:30am
With complete honesty I can truly say I loved this one. You are a poet of the most distinguished kind. This was sensually gorgeous. You command of imagery is amazing. Truly fine work.
John
John
1
Re: Re. Hide and Seek
23rd Jan 2016 10:58am
I'm stunned and moved by your response to my small effort, John. I don't know what else to say without it sounding full of myself, which I'm not. I'm a pebble in a rock garden. Gratitude.