Who's who?

Here I sit, high as shit. Another night lost to the grip. Over twenty years of bleeding. Happy yet grieving. Depending on my huslte and pride. If all else fails I still have crime. Older yet not knowing any better. Just stuck in the book like a bunch of letters. I choose to refuse whats not mine to show.  I question everything as if I have to prove what I know.I feel safe when my bag is full. I stress like a motherfucker when I have nothing to hold. Gotta re up before I lose my cool. A motherfucking bitch, and I'm a motherfucking fool. Yet my beliefs are mine. I will pull that gun and rob you blind. I will run like the wind. I am no stranger to sin. I've seen the angels dance with the demons. I've made more mistakes than I can give reasons. I'm loyal and kind. I'm hurtful and blind. I trust no man, and trust no bitch. I don't trust the law and hate a fucking snitch. Death to the fake who fake to relate. Only to deceive us that have held onto faith. Faith in reason and upholding the rules. Shit, as if rules were still present in this life filled with ghouls. For the game has changed, and rats now put men in a cage. With no respect and fingers to point. They roll and fold like a sloppy joint. No loyalty, no love and a desire to bleed. They offer no hope to a dying breed. So the walls of life grow ever so thin. Don't think I'm happy for its a grim grin. And my reasons to use are not yours to choose. Fuck me, nah bitch fuck you. Call me what you want, waste your fucking breath. I could care less about what you claim I will regret. I'm bigger and smaller and not your bother. So get the fuck off my nuts before I get hotter.  Think I give a fuck, I'm hitting the pipe. I'm feeling how you wish you could and I'm feeling alright. High as fuck, a felon with a gun. A bag full of shards and a reason to run. I will throw you my trust. If you can't catch it at least respect it and duck. Doubt me and the shadows I own. For this is my life and the streets I roam. I give you reason and you give me belief. I never pray on those which are company I keep. I'm not your friend but can offer hands to lend. I'm more like a disease that's resistant to the cure. A true definition of all that's not pure. Don't feel sorry and don't act like you care. Your life is a reflection of all that you dare. I'm nothing more than a speck on the wall. My life is a mess and your a shiny clean stall. Both contain shit and smell like the same. My life is mine and living is a game. So cherish what you live for and love all you love. Protect yourself like a well fitting glove. I will continue to try and cope, I will never know for sure why you desire to know. But if we can agree to disagree. Than we can both live and dream as if we're free. Death is the end and I can't say I believe. In what it is that society expects of me. God is a reason for some to find meaning. God to me is a meaning to believe in whats truly deceiving. Nothing to lose and nothing to prove. I'm just a tormented soul who was destined to lose. Accepting the reality is accepting the reasons. And we're not all equal and balanced like the seasons. I'm an addict and you claim to be a better person. I'm laughing my ass off while you are cursing. Fuck it bitch didn't you know. I get high and we both get low. Similar we are but its not like you can agree. So mind your own, hold your tongue and let me be me. A life long journey that's circumstantial at best. Fortunate are those that are unfortunately less. For the unfortunate are the ones that are truly blessed.