deepundergroundpoetry.com
Consumed by pain
The pain is unbearable.
Not only physically but emotionally.
It has stolen my youth. My life.
I am a shell of who I once was.
Trapped by my body that has aged more than double its years.
Day in and day out I am cruelly reminded of the simple things I once took for granted. Running. Skating. Standing on tip toes. Showering without a stool. Even walking has become such a chore.
I long to return to work but it's not an option.
Each day I'm just waiting for the next to come. My life is stagnant. I'm scared. Will it ever get any better?
Will I ever be well enough to travel and see the world? Will I ever be able to afford it even if I am? Living below the poverty line on benefits and spending most of that on medication and specialists is not how I pictured the last two years. Months in hospital, surgeries, learning to walk again. It's a never ending cycle and I'm over it.
I have lost the will to go on but I try.
Keeping a smile on my face and gritting my teeth through the pain for those around me.
I work so hard but see no results. I know my future is bleak. They all tell me to stay positive but it's worn me down.
I'm only thirty and counting down the days until I'm stuck in a wheelchair for good.
Not only physically but emotionally.
It has stolen my youth. My life.
I am a shell of who I once was.
Trapped by my body that has aged more than double its years.
Day in and day out I am cruelly reminded of the simple things I once took for granted. Running. Skating. Standing on tip toes. Showering without a stool. Even walking has become such a chore.
I long to return to work but it's not an option.
Each day I'm just waiting for the next to come. My life is stagnant. I'm scared. Will it ever get any better?
Will I ever be well enough to travel and see the world? Will I ever be able to afford it even if I am? Living below the poverty line on benefits and spending most of that on medication and specialists is not how I pictured the last two years. Months in hospital, surgeries, learning to walk again. It's a never ending cycle and I'm over it.
I have lost the will to go on but I try.
Keeping a smile on my face and gritting my teeth through the pain for those around me.
I work so hard but see no results. I know my future is bleak. They all tell me to stay positive but it's worn me down.
I'm only thirty and counting down the days until I'm stuck in a wheelchair for good.
Published 14th Jan 2016
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14th Oct 2016 2:42pm
why and howcome? hope it's well passed and it's an expression only and not real!!
14th Oct 2016 3:12pm
I really wish it wasn't real. With all my soul.
I sustained a severe spinal cord injury. I am fortunate as the cord did t split but was crushed so badly that I am now considered an incomplete paraplegic because of the resulting permenant nerve damage.
My condition is rare but I am one of the lucky ones!
I was blessed with degenerative disc disease and osteoarthritis so I am on borrowed time at the moment. Not that being in a wheelchair is the worst thing in the world, I just miss being fit and having no limits
I sustained a severe spinal cord injury. I am fortunate as the cord did t split but was crushed so badly that I am now considered an incomplete paraplegic because of the resulting permenant nerve damage.
My condition is rare but I am one of the lucky ones!
I was blessed with degenerative disc disease and osteoarthritis so I am on borrowed time at the moment. Not that being in a wheelchair is the worst thing in the world, I just miss being fit and having no limits
14th Oct 2016 3:19pm
I wish as well. So sorry to learn that, made me quiet. won't wish that on anyone! There is hope with advancement in science with the research being done to treat such injuries. You are still too young and should and 'will' see the day that you'll be as indepedent as anyone. Admire your spirit!
14th Oct 2016 3:31pm
Thank you.
As with anything, some days are harder than others and this was written on one of those days.
I'm now working with a pain team and an exercise physiologist so have a plan of attack in place :)
As with anything, some days are harder than others and this was written on one of those days.
I'm now working with a pain team and an exercise physiologist so have a plan of attack in place :)
