help me? shit theres no saving me

I am a demon  born from things you can not see
I am the devil look deep inside of me
this smile was born from torture and amphetamines
when I was 13 are lab exploded
gassing the house with a toxic odor
I woke up crazed and confused
thinking to myself I burned the house down
but I don't remember how or when
I panicked I ran from home, dripping sweat in my underwear  
I remember someone yelling at me hey kid you ok
I ran from him too scared insane the meth in my child's brain
I went home and tapped on my sisters window she awoke
jhin what are you doing are you crazy
omg she smells it to runs out and hugs me its gonna be ok she says
I'm trembling violently sweating profusely I hear my sister screaming
my mother threating punishment if she told anyone about me,
my step dad growling
they come and get me, and whisper in the corner what should we do with him he's gonna die if we dont help him, lets called the hospitable and ask the nurses they did,  I could hear them talking with my mother next to me, lady are u insane your child is dying bring him in immediately phone hangs up cold rags hit my head for hours I hallucinate horrific nothings
I watched the clock spin around for hours seeing creatures break the liquid hell walls of my home. when i was 16 I was accepted into college I did one year before the demons came crawling in infecting my mind screaming at me controlling me they said I was skitzo-affective with severe PTSD ,I dropped out of school thinking I was broken not worthy and started to use and abuse .I often think how much more intelligent I could be  if that incident didn't happen who i would be without my parents, a different time with a different family, now I often act dumb so I can get along with other humans, if I act myself and say what I really think people don't relate to me, im nothing so i pretend to me stupid so i can have friends that think they get me , im all alone with myself in my self always