deepundergroundpoetry.com
Primal Prime Roots...
Me and you intertwined through our primal roots.
The origin of where we lie our private room
Primal behaviors we share composed of two
distinct parts we now share your one my two.
Water the seed of my existence.
Make the root grow like composites.
Our love started from the bottom
and rose up just like a garden.
You're wrapped around my tree like a harness.
Glued to my trunk there's nothing farther
than opposites but we're partners
me and you
one and two.
Even the oddities of life come together like three and two
prime roots.
You're my reflection parallel lives.
We intersect where we're tied.
Same direction no lie
but truth says that two lines with same direction have no intersection no ties.
I speak to you with no lie
cuz truth is that those eyes
flipped my direction in time.
Reflections of a new life changed my perspective to wife.
Life with you and I till death do us part
but it can't
cuz you and I will end where we began
intertwined with the plants.
The origin of where we lie our private room
Primal behaviors we share composed of two
distinct parts we now share your one my two.
Water the seed of my existence.
Make the root grow like composites.
Our love started from the bottom
and rose up just like a garden.
You're wrapped around my tree like a harness.
Glued to my trunk there's nothing farther
than opposites but we're partners
me and you
one and two.
Even the oddities of life come together like three and two
prime roots.
You're my reflection parallel lives.
We intersect where we're tied.
Same direction no lie
but truth says that two lines with same direction have no intersection no ties.
I speak to you with no lie
cuz truth is that those eyes
flipped my direction in time.
Reflections of a new life changed my perspective to wife.
Life with you and I till death do us part
but it can't
cuz you and I will end where we began
intertwined with the plants.
Published 6th Jan 2016
| Edited 11th Jan 2016
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 7
reading list entries 0
comments 12
reads 927
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
6th Jan 2016 1:04pm
Very nice, I liked the way you wrapped the end that we ultimately end up in the ground (sadly). Well thought out and well written over all
8th Jan 2016 5:44am
8th Jan 2016 6:07am
I agree with Phoenix_Risen, very nice. The spoken piece as well as the written. I need the printed piece in font of me to do the spoken, so I envy your ability to run without it. You earned that satisfied laugh at the end.
A few minor things, Your my reflection, needs an edit and you can drop all the periods. You generally only need them if you're starting a new sentence in the middle of a line. Other than that, damn nice work.
A few minor things, Your my reflection, needs an edit and you can drop all the periods. You generally only need them if you're starting a new sentence in the middle of a line. Other than that, damn nice work.
11th Jan 2016 2:51am
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed my work.
Also thank you for the honest edits. I will fix those 😊👌
Stay tuned for more!
I will check out some of your work as well! ✌️✌
Also thank you for the honest edits. I will fix those 😊👌
Stay tuned for more!
I will check out some of your work as well! ✌️✌
8th Jan 2016 3:55pm
I loved this. It was beautiful and some sad in a way. Remember, laws of parallel say that they cannot run parallel forever. They intersect at a point called Omega...your Omega sounds as if it would be bliss.
I love the intelect and word play of this piece. Your spoken voice was done very well...i posted one, Marketa. Check it out. I wish i had done it more like yours. I dont know how to do it on my own..i would like to do another. Maybe you can help me understand how. I have to make room...but this is going on my RL....
Water the seed of my existence.
Make the root grow like composites.
Our love started from the bottom
and 'rose" up just like a garden.
I think the 🌹 rose was intentional, if so...very cool!
You're wrapped around my tree like a harness.
Glued to my trunk there's nothing farther
than opposites but we're partners
me and you
one and two.
I also love the prime number references.....water the seeds of my existence....yes! Had a wish i thought of that moment...and what she means by the reflection edit is your should be you're..i believe that's what she had mind. The periods were not a distraction to me at all..but i would drop them too...
Awesome fucking ink!!! Some of the best work i've seen on here...
Love
Jen
(thank you for my RL add and follow btw. Means even more after seeing what a talent you are.)
I have a comp going called Sex and Candy....enter!!!
I love the intelect and word play of this piece. Your spoken voice was done very well...i posted one, Marketa. Check it out. I wish i had done it more like yours. I dont know how to do it on my own..i would like to do another. Maybe you can help me understand how. I have to make room...but this is going on my RL....
Water the seed of my existence.
Make the root grow like composites.
Our love started from the bottom
and 'rose" up just like a garden.
I think the 🌹 rose was intentional, if so...very cool!
You're wrapped around my tree like a harness.
Glued to my trunk there's nothing farther
than opposites but we're partners
me and you
one and two.
I also love the prime number references.....water the seeds of my existence....yes! Had a wish i thought of that moment...and what she means by the reflection edit is your should be you're..i believe that's what she had mind. The periods were not a distraction to me at all..but i would drop them too...
Awesome fucking ink!!! Some of the best work i've seen on here...
Love
Jen
(thank you for my RL add and follow btw. Means even more after seeing what a talent you are.)
I have a comp going called Sex and Candy....enter!!!
8th Jan 2016 4:00pm
Oh..and not to take away from this outstanding piece...but the laugh at the end was my fav part.. Agreed, ima jelous cunt right now you did the spoken word outta your head! Ass! Lol totally kidding...like they said...was well desrrved. Inzta fan, more please!!!!
Anonymous
9th Jan 2016 6:04am
Not much to add after all that has already been said. . .Enjoyed. . .~Devlin.
11th Jan 2016 2:54am
11th Jan 2016 5:12pm
Didn't read all the comments so forgive me if I'm repeating...
I loved the mathematical aspects of this piece. The way you used the laws to create metaphors really gave this poem a unique aspect that I really enjoyed. Good work!
If I were to offer any criticism, it is that the delivery was kind of apathetic in the beginning. You overcame this as you progressed through the poem, but I feel that you could certainly carry it better throughout. But overall, it was still a great performance.
If
I loved the mathematical aspects of this piece. The way you used the laws to create metaphors really gave this poem a unique aspect that I really enjoyed. Good work!
If I were to offer any criticism, it is that the delivery was kind of apathetic in the beginning. You overcame this as you progressed through the poem, but I feel that you could certainly carry it better throughout. But overall, it was still a great performance.
If
11th Jan 2016 8:41pm
I'm glad you enjoyed it! :)
Also thank you for your honest criticism. Yeah I was definitely passionate about writing this. Also very nervous haha.
Please stay tuned for more!
Also thank you for your honest criticism. Yeah I was definitely passionate about writing this. Also very nervous haha.
Please stay tuned for more!
10th Feb 2016 12:45pm
Ahhh, GroovySteroids, luv ~ :-*
This poem is quite remarkable, indeed, and your delivery of it, especially beginning here
Even the oddities of life come together like three and two
prime roots.
turns into somewhat quite superb and exceptional, luv. :-*
If I were to hazard a guess, I'd say that was where you began to lose some nervousness and the poem began to flow for you. I may, indeed, be wrong, but tis my impression. ;-p
You have a gift for deep, expressive poetry and riveting delivery, particularly when you are able to say things precisely as you feel them, I think. Tis not always an easy thing to do, yet it is worthwhile, as you know, to pursue.
I've read all four of your poems thus far and listened to them. I look forward to seeing more of your work, luv... :-*
This poem is quite remarkable, indeed, and your delivery of it, especially beginning here
Even the oddities of life come together like three and two
prime roots.
turns into somewhat quite superb and exceptional, luv. :-*
If I were to hazard a guess, I'd say that was where you began to lose some nervousness and the poem began to flow for you. I may, indeed, be wrong, but tis my impression. ;-p
You have a gift for deep, expressive poetry and riveting delivery, particularly when you are able to say things precisely as you feel them, I think. Tis not always an easy thing to do, yet it is worthwhile, as you know, to pursue.
I've read all four of your poems thus far and listened to them. I look forward to seeing more of your work, luv... :-*
Anonymous
23rd Jan 2018 1:21am
Another cool metaphor with math. You know math ain't my thing, but I feel you :-)
Love...
Water the seed of my existence.
Make the root grow like composites.
Our love started from the bottom
and rose up just like a garden.
You're wrapped around my tree like a harness.
Glued to my trunk there's nothing farther
than opposites but we're partners
me and you
one and two.
Even the oddities of life come together like three and two
prime roots.
And this...
You're my reflection parallel lives.
We intersect where we're tied.
Same direction no lie
Love...
Water the seed of my existence.
Make the root grow like composites.
Our love started from the bottom
and rose up just like a garden.
You're wrapped around my tree like a harness.
Glued to my trunk there's nothing farther
than opposites but we're partners
me and you
one and two.
Even the oddities of life come together like three and two
prime roots.
And this...
You're my reflection parallel lives.
We intersect where we're tied.
Same direction no lie
