i wish Resurrection was true

I wish resurrection was true-
all i want for Christmas is to fuck you with a dildo
deep in your ass you love to feel the vibrato
your pussy above my face my tongue tasting you
grabbing your ass with the only hand that's free
tasting your heat brings me to ecstasy
deep inside this warm cunt i never want to leave
inside you so deep all my pain vanishing
i love it so much in there i don't have to think
fading away into glorious fantasies
where I don't need you or anything really
just completely happy with just being me
thinking sex is really just depressing
i hate how i even desire it and how it hurts me
when your not around I rarely even think of it
but when I do I get hard like an army tank
remembering the 18 hours we fucked like maniacs
feeling the first time for me,this was truly good sex
I'm so desensitized its takes a boat of ecstasy
to get my rocks off this doest happen easily
not much love was given in my life
so I don't feel much when you touch me at night
but when you look in my eyes i see your scares
turning your head away like you've done something wrong
I feel thru everything even thru movement, looks and sounds
I move my eyes level with yours and you close them shut tight
hey open your eyes look at me I know the pain you have inside
they open quick diving into me like a lightning bolts flashing
you feel it you know it and it scares the death out of you
you love me you know this i cured all the past pain and abuse
you cant stand it ,never feeling this , waiting for pain and abuse
i wont give it and you hate it and how life is getting better for you
running back to the pain you always have known was foolish
but i cant blame you its all that was ever given to you
just like me and thats why i never trust anyone even you
so you understand what i sadly and regretfully had to do
with the secrets you know and held i stabbed the death into you
baby im so sorry your dead and i miss you and love so much
im sorry but i had to please try to feel something when you hear this in hell
my love ended  with  you and the violent thrust of a knife thru your chest.