Fuck Life

   Have you ever laid there In the night, numb, torn and confused about everything? Your chest caves in but the place where your heart used to stay remains empty?
How about that heavy feeling of loneliness.. does anyone else get that? Its like your alone in the world and you have no one but yourself and the screams that remain in the back of your head.
But that's not it... Does anyone else hope that that night is their last.. that once they close their eyes they wont have to open them again, she had this hope that the lord might just answer her prayer and take her...

  20 stabs to the back, 10 to the chest, and 5 to the ribs.
20 cuts to the arm, 10 to the thighs, and 5 to the vein
30 Ibroprophens, 20 Tylenols, 10 Zantax, and 5 Syriquils

  Death doesn't come that easy, it seems like you have to suffer before all of it ends.. The clocks ticks slow as she gets ready to take her final breath.. she waits for it all to end but it doesn't.. she looks at herself in the mirror watching as she fades.. she threw her food up so much and starved shes nothing but bones... she cut so many times all you see is blood and scars.. she cried so many times all you see in the tear stains that remain on her face.. death is what she wants so why does it continue to delay... she hates herself and hates the world that surrounds her...
   Doctor says its almost time and then her father walks in with tears streaming down his face as if he actually fucking cared.. why the fuck is he crying when he did nothing but give false hope and lied through his scummy teeth. He grabbed her hand ready to speak when her insides screamed.. she wanted to yell but no words escaped her chapped lips.. he told her he loved her and that he was sorry.. of course now he's sorry.. she shook her head and snatched her small hands away from him."You don't love me, no one does, I hate you, leave"
Her father acted shocked then a smirk went across his face "your still my daughter" she laughed and told him with as much dignity as she can that she'll meet him in hell.
  Nothing is more sad then a fake family who all a sudden wants to care for a shattered girl who showed all the signs but was denied because she smiled to much... Nothing hurts more then watching your own father walk out the door hoping he will return and doesn't come until your on your death bed acting as if he cared.. And nothing get you more then living while your insides have died.. its a everyday battle wondering when and if you going to get out.. its a constant never ending gun shots in the back of your head wondering when the right shot will end everything.. But if I asked you to look at me and the obvious.. could you tell that life for me.. no longer has a meaning