untitled

 
So lonely, cold and lost
No ones here
I've paid the price At a steep cost
My happiness and tears
I need a change for my heart 
A break from my pain
A fresh new start
An escape from the slain
My heart soul and dreams
Defeated by devious schemes
Made by envious teams
That have Mischievous means
The ones who were closest to me
Who meant the most to me
The world to me
They were the ones I counted on
Depended on
put it all out on the line for
just for
them to turn they backs on 
twist the knife in my back on
Me
Cutting the ties and strings
Leaving me to drift away
While my heart floats away
Cuz we all float down here
Live in hell down here
Or maybe it's just me
Maybe I just can't see
Any other way
A different way to live
To be happy
I have nothing to give
I don't know how to be
I'm so mixed up hurt and confused
I've been broken and abused
Drowned in misery
Suffocated in lies
Burnt by the hate in loved ones eyes
And frozen by the cold shoulders I've turned to cry on
I'm a third wheel on life's bicycle
With my Pants caught on the pedals
Dick stuck in the spokes
Tire burns on my ass
Feeling like a inconvenience
A burden to all around me
Kids not excluded
My pride and joy
My world
I let them down like I do myself
I'm a failure to them in my eyes
6 pieces to a 10 piece puzzle
1 piece is trying to find it's place
3 pieces are missing
And I can't figure it out
No pictures to look at for guidance
And life doesn't come with a owners manual
No guide book with plans
It's Hit or miss
Lose or win
Reaching for bliss
Stuck in grief
Weighed down by sin
Struggling with everything within
Coming up short in all I do
Not good enough for you
Or anyone else for that matter
I'm crazier than any mad hatter
Nuttier than squirrel shit
But the crazy don't know they're crazy
So I don't know maybe
Because I know it I'm not
And if I'm not than am I normal
Because if this is normal
I wanna be different
I've got to make a difference
Need to make some changes
Feel like a zookeeper
With so many snakes in cases
Basket cases
Made mistakes with
They were mistaken
As friends and lovers
Like all my kids mothers
And the few people I've called friends
No ones here at the end
Faces become strangers
When your dust in the wind
I've moved to so many places
Now I don't have a home
A place that I can call my own
And feel welcomed
With all aspects of my life
From my kids to my girlfriend
From smoking cigarettes and weed
To me never being asleep
Up all hours of the night
Sleep is like a enemy
One I can't fight
That plants pictures and memories
Messing with my emotions and energies
Dreams haunting what sleep I get
Dreams that make me wanna throw a crying fit
Dreams of situations that have happened or not
Of things that hurt
that make me happy
Some make me confused 
Some are sappy
Rarely the chick flick type though
Because I know life has no Hollywood ending
There's no happily ever after
Only once upon a times
That can't get told true in rhymes
So I keep it all in
Run from my night dreams
hearts breaking because of my daydreams
Stuck in my nightmares
With a few rays of light
That gives hope for love and peace
But even they can't see in my darkness
The place where I put the thoughts and feelings I can't share
The part of me I can't bare
The monster within breaking out
I can't control it
I guess I fed it too much
It grew to big
I held everything in for far to long
Now I can't seem to let anything out
I'm full of remorse
I just raise my voice
rant and rave
Scream and shout
Yell to be understood
But I'm never heard
They say they're there for me
But where
Where do I reach and how far
Where are they when I'm breaking apart
How many pieces are gonna be picked up
How much blood is gonna hafta leak through the band aids that's been put over a gash in a main artery
There's pain in every part of me
From my head to my toes
Inside and out
Physically mentally and emotionally
Like a punching bag that's taken to many blows
I must be all cons no pros
I just do everything wrong
or so it goes
But they're wrong
And I'm not right either
Because there's no good guys and bad guys
No cowboys and Indians
Not even cops and robbers
Just society and cons
And I'm neither
I'm a pro at pissing people off
And holding my own
I'm a pro father or dad
both apply to me as a man
I'm a pro pussy pleaser
Or so I'm told
I'm a jack of all trades
King of none
Looking for a queen
A Coparent to my sons
Role model for my daughters
Hard to choose
Because I'm a old fashioned father
Want my kids to learn from me
Show my sons how to be a man
And the type of man
I want my daughters to look for
I try to be polite and respective
I pull out chairs and hold doors
I may be harsh when being protective
Of myself and or a loved one
Even when I gotta protect them from themselves
But I try to control my temper
And avoid arguments
If only for the sake of sanity
But at the cost of my sanity
I continue to be a displeasurement
A constant disappointment
Seems like just for being human
I'm the reason for all the lies and rumors all these jealous ones can think to say about me
But I'm still me
and they're still jealous
And no one will ever see me coming
They can't even see me go
So wrapped up with friends that are close to foes
The life of their own
They forgot I was supposed to be a part of it
The once there love now not shown
Now it's more like a well rehearsed play
A act of love done out of routine
And yet I'm the one whose mean
Now the only thing I can think
Is To stay to myself
Just So we don't sink
Just to keep you
Even though it seems that you wanna go
You tell me you love me so much
Yet lately we barely even touch
Hardly any talking or cuddling
Laughing and smiling
Or Tickling play fights
We hardly kiss and make love anymore at all
Just another notch in my life tree
One more fuck up that's on me
I've made to many mistakes
Did to many wrongs
Hell the list could just go on and on
You've made it longer than anybody else
It'd be a shame to put our love on the shelf
Hang it up we've had a good run
Try to be friends and have fun
Just for it to kill me inside
And feed the beast
Waiting patiently for its time
The time when I finally break
And loose all my pieces
I try real hard to keep it together
To keep my composure
To stay strong
To be positive and happy with everyone around me
But for how much longer?
I'm the man of steel
I've gone through hell and back
I've faced dangers and fears
Ones that have broken the strongest
I've crawled my way back to life
Back to love
I've fallen under the weight of the world
Just to roll the world over and try again
I've stumbled over myself
Over my thoughts feelings and words
Just to go downhill when wrote out
I've tripped over my own head and heart
Both trying to be in the lead
Take charge and control over the chaos
Both wanting the same thing
just with a different level and boss
Maybe a different queen at the end
But the games seem to never stop
It's the energizer rabbit on steroids
It keeps throwing slop
To keep me down
Away from the top
And to muffle the sound
Of me screaming for help
And air to breath
It's embarrassing
The bullshits to thick 
It makes me mentally sick
When I'm being secretly deceived
By ulterior motives and hidden agendas
But not all lies are received
I'm paranoid and cautious
Waiting for the axe to drop
But life has taught me this
And the blades not a prop
A lesson learned hard 
Taught through tears and scars
Some visible some on my heart
Sometimes it's love that blinds the eyes
Allowing your soul to be torn apart
By the person you imagined one to be
Just to find out it was all lies
They got what they wanted outta me
Devils in disguise
Playing tricks on a demon
Giving life to a monster
I'm the new Frankenstein
Might be scary and ugly at times
But I'm a gentle beast
Body of a man
Heart of a wolf
Mind of a tiger
Soul of a dragon
So at the very least
I'm at the top of the food chain
Leader of the pack
King of my wild
With wisdom and a strong will
Ready to take a stand
Ready to set fire and engulf
The world in flames of Greek Fire
Time to let it burn again