Christmas Comes

 
I sat alone feeling most unwell
In the drunkards recovery cell
I prayed by morn they’d set me free
But, alas, it was not to be

So Christmas day without turkey
Chewing prison issue jerky
Hard bed hurt my aching back
Magistrates won’t cut me slack

Then in the night’s deepest gloom
A light shone forth in my cell room
And there she stood in shortest skirt
A fairy, naughty little flirt

Come cheer yourself for Christmas do
I've come to grant a wish for you
She would have to have been blind
Not to read my filthy mind

Oh very well she said to me
Most folks just want to be free
But if that’s your heart’s desire
I’ll let you be my randy squire

And so the happy deed was done
Amidst the squeals of joy and fun
Your name, I asked, who do I bless?
Oh just call me St Knickerless