Feeling Fruity?

Why do we call an orange, an orange?
Especially when in hot countries they
Don’t turn orange and stay green
I don’t like it that we call them oranges
Orange makes me think of orang-utans
Would I want to eat an orang-utan?
Well, probably not they’re a bit hairy
Although it could extend the variety
Available for Chinese stir fry dishes

Look at the shape of peaches, pears
Or plums, they’re all shaped like bums
Fortunately plums rhymes with bums
Making poetry writing a wee bit easier
The question however still remains
Do I really want to enjoy eating bum?
I know through much careful scientific
Research of internet pornography
That bum eating is quite popular
But to be honest it’s not my bag
Or bum-bag if you will

Now giving consideration to lemons
A fruit that when you put in your mouth
Its tangy sourness making your lips purse
I am relatively sure that there are many
Other things that would make you react
The same way when put in your mouth
Leaving a decidedly bad aftertaste
Would I want to suck on a lemon?
Honestly I would never want to suck
On anything sour or yellow

Bananas – the penis of the fruit world
With inedible skin you peal right back
The last banana I ate had four pieces
Of skin to split and peal right back
I’ll leave you to make the obvious joke
It’s hard to eat a banana without it looking
Like you are enjoyably eating cock
Do I want to eat a pale fleshy phallus?
Well, I always tend to slice mine
To avoid any accusations

Then of course there’s the berry family
Strawberries, blueberries, raspberries
And to avoid accusations or racism
We have the token blackberries
When squashed berries spill their seed
I have a little friend that does that too
The problem with berries is they are mostly
Unlucky in life regardless of colour
They usually end up in a jam

There are too many fruits to mention
Passionless, ugly passion fruits
Grapes remind me of haemorrhoids
Apples only good for cheap, strong Cider
A man goes to fetch the mangoes
Mandarins – Chinese royalty no less
Kiwi fruits that kiwis hate the taste of
Prunes that look like scrotums
I am supposed to eat five a day
How can I when the term ‘fruit’
Is used as a derogatory term for
Homosexuals, I’m not sure why
Do I want to eat a homosexual?
Unfortunately I was born a heterosexual
I know the Gay community will be
In mourning at this loss to its ranks
My apologies in advance to them
For not feeling decidedly fruity today