My best friends brother

He was my first real love
He was my best friends brother
I couldn't tell her how I felt
I had to keep it under cover
Blonde hair and brown eyes
He was a bad boy
And that turned me on
But to him I was his secret toy
He ignored me when others were around
But alone he was mine and mine only
He said he was my boyfriend
But why did I still feel lonely?
We would meet in secret
Late night rendezvous at the park
We made out under the stars
It almost felt real once it was dark
Then daylight would return
And it would feel like it was a dream
Made up in my head
A mere fantasy so it would seem
One day he came and with a smile he announced
I have a new girlfriend
I smiled outside but inside I was dying
Yes. It felt like my life would end
Yet at night when everyone was asleep
He would sneak into my bed
And even though I was hurt
I would give him head
He told me that I need to understand
Me and him we couldn't be
And when I asked him why
This is what he told me
"You know I like you a lot
But I can't be with you cuz your black
But we can still be friends"
Thats when my heart earned it's first crack.
Always wanting someone who doesn't feel the same
I started despising my own skin
Hating that I was colored
And that I wasn't thin
But because I loved him
I pretended i didn't care
That I wasn't jealous
Of his girlfriends hair
Long blonde straight
Mine kinky and curly
She was petite and small
Feminine and girly
Years went by
And I was still side chick
I was always on the back burner
Never his first pick
Took me 6 years
From the first day we met
To get over him
To forgive but never forget
So many sleepless nights
Dreaming of his face
He had no idea how  much I loved him
But for him I was just a chase