For You....

I don’t know,
I don’t know what’s going on,
I have no idea of what life has to offer,
I’m sad too, because I’m human,
And no I’m not acting out,
I’m just putting down the mask,
But I guess the mask always needs to stay
Because that’s the life I’ve lived,
One where being myself was unhealthy,
And being beautiful is a dream,
I guess I write out my soul in these poems,
But you wouldn’t really know isn’t it?
Because this wasn’t how it’s meant to be,
I’m not supposed to have feelings,
I’m just another object in your sight,
I’m just going through a phase you don’t get,
I’m sorry for that too I guess,
Because all I do is apologize for mistakes I haven’t made,
And I’m surrounded by people yet,
Deep inside I’m still lonely,
My words get stuck in my throat,
I’ve learnt to live with them there,
They are better where you can’t hear,
Because heaven knows what would happen if I speak,
An abomination you said,
You kept insisting on the impossible,
Expecting me to have the power to make it,
You don’t get it,
You never did, never will,
I guess I learnt to live with that,
Accept that I can never be good enough,
I hate being scared yet that’s all I ever am,
I’m not scared of death, it will come,
I’m afraid of how you would be when I’m gone,
Can a master work without their slave?
Like a circus without its clown,
Because that’s all I am,
A funny pathetic joke,
I quite like that title,
Makes me remember my worth,
How much I need to value myself,
Just as much as you value me,
Well hear me loud and clear when I say,
I’m not going away,
I will carry on being misled,
Mistreated, abused, broken till the end,
Because even with your hands around my neck,
I can’t bring myself to hate you.