Being Me

Growing up nobody told me that being myself was okay,
That who I was wasn’t a bad thing,
That being chubby didn’t mean obese,
And that being skinny wasn’t all girls dream,
No one told me to love myself,
They all threw comments about my weight,
They never saw me as I saw myself,
Eventually, the image in my mind also changed,
I no longer saw a healthy beautiful girl,
With a big butt and curves,
I saw a monster just like everyone else,
A girl who no boy would love because she didn’t love herself,
An obese waste of space whose living purpose was to be someone else,
Someone she wasn’t,
I grew tired of being different,
The ‘fat’ girl in the group who wasn’t like the rest,
I used to be the best hypocrite you could see,
Preaching on how beauty came only from within,
Told little girls they were beautiful regardless of what they see,
That society will put them down but that doesn’t mean anything,
I was a wolf in a sheep’s skin,
I never learnt my own lesson just kept speaking,
I never gave up the vanity,
The self-imagery,
The ‘believe you are beautiful’ never worked for me,
I didn’t want those little girls to grow and let peoples’ words control,
I wanted them to love who they were regardless of what they were told,
That’s because everybody told me differently,
No one told me I could be pretty,
That being chubby wasn’t unhealthy,
It was always the same,
“loose weight and then you’ll be happy”,
They always used to say,
“Men like a small girl so its best you go to the gym”,
They made me believe I wasn’t beautiful,
I guess that’s why till today,
I can’t learn to love the girl I see,
I wanna change the image in the mirror,
I don’t wanna be me.