In Too Deep

Feeling upset cause I can't take the pain,
The needles in with the plunger pressed.
Sobriety never gave me a chance to change,
So this last time I risk everything no less

What have I done to deserve such a prize?
Did I sign away my soul to some higher power?
Were the 12 steps of A/A some kind of code,
To the ways I lived right down to the final hour?

It all started when life became a numb facade
In a blink of an eye and through a warped perspective
I always thought that I was the one with full control
Until one day my shrink told me I was schizoaffective

I didn't know what that was but I knew it sounded bad
Along with my bipolar I felt like I was literally going insane
Pissed the fuck off 60% of the time and then depressed
Story of my life and it's the solitude of my own shame...

Emotionally,I'm intelligent and some may say that I'm deep
I like to write down my feelings on paper to read again later
Maybe even get to know the stranger within my psyche
The one that wants to die while high to fulfill his vile nature...