Take It All

I lay in bed,
exhausted
despite having slept roughly 20 hours beforehand.

My TV is on even though I haven't even looked at it.
All of my lights are off and the sun is setting.

I'm freezing
yet hot at the same time
and I can't get comfortable in bed anymore.

I've lost over 25 lbs because I haven't had the will to get up
and feed myself.

I just stare at the backs of my closed eyelids and
fight through the memories of you.

I quit my job.
I haven't attended any of my classes in a month.
I even threw away my cellphone so I could cut ties with everyone much easier.


All I do now is smoke like a chimney,
drink like a fish,
and debate whether or not it would be better to overdose on
oxycodone
or
the last messages we sent.