Little Mileage

 We met from off the internet
We got sociable on social media
It was Facebook or was it Fuckbook
Not sure I care enough to remember
We’d carefully viewed stats and profile
Carefully looked at each others photos
I was a 6 foot, 21 year old Adonis
Athletic build, clearly totally ripped
Wealthy and suitably well endowed
A body for sin and a macho personality
You were a 6 foot tall supermodel
Pert breasts, extremely long legs
Hourglass figure, pouting, ruby red lips
A body for sin and a bubbly personality
I was very much a young Brad Pit
You could have been Barbie’s twin

As with all Netmets, we finally met
Miko’s Greek restaurant 7.00pm
Don’t be late; I’ll wear a lapel rose
We both arrived 10 minutes early
And furtively sat across from each other
We both simultaneously surveyed our prize
I was 5 foot tall, bald and a bit podgy
The only things ripped were my tight chinos
And the bottom button on my silk shirt
I was on poverty wages and had a small penis
A body for cake and a sad, lonely personality
She was a ‘He’ – a smelly tattooed biker
Saggy man boobs, short fat hairy legs
Pint glass figure, pouting, greasy wet lips
A body for beer, and an aggressive personality
I was very much a young Danny De Vito
He could have easily been my twin brother

How in the hell did we expect
To fake our own fake realities
Was I hoping she was blind?
Was he hoping I was stupid?
This relationship had little mileage
Still the food was very good
Spicy, meaty, shish kebabs
Copious amounts of alcohol consumed
Communication was light and pleasant
The 1980’s disco dancing was fascinating
I have to say however, in all honesty
The sex was bad to average at best
And only just the once, before pain
Became a real issue for us both
But that’s what you deserve to get
Dating anyone you meet on the internet
LOL – IMHO – NVG - & TMI 