deepundergroundpoetry.com

You

Someone once told me that I was nothing
At the time I finally felt like something
I'd spent years looking deep into a mirror wishing I was someone else
Finally I learnt to respect the reflection in self negation instead of denying it
Years spent learning to accept that all the beauty isn't seen in the beholder, rather the beholder sees all other beauty, failing to see the beauty in ones self.
Years I'd spent torturing and mutilating the only body I had to learn to love. I'd have to learn to let others love my body for what is was. The weakness shortly became my strength.
I'd spent so long learning to accept my body,so long accepting I may not be the same that at any given moment I could break under the impression that I wasn't loved.
That night, I broke.
I broke down my jaw against the edge of a plate full of my favorite foods.
I broke down my razor against the soft pudgy skin of my thighs.
I broke down my head filled with lies of self love against a sopping pillow of tears.
I broke down my own body piece by peice and made a list.
1. Loose weight
2. Loose weight
3. Stop eating to loose weight
4. Loosing weight isn't working
5. Resort to the lowest point of my life again
6. Look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are fat. Self shame helps boost the game.
7. Look in the mirror
8. Look in the mirror
9. Repeat steps 1-8
10. Look in the mirror
11. Break the mirror
I broke that night in more ways possible. I'd finally learned to love who �I was becoming.
Now on the other hand, I am becoming who I finally learned to hate.
You.