go away [please don't leave me]

beaten tiles
walls peeling too many coats of paint
footsteps outside
deep guffaws and hearty cackles
the school is their barnyard
and I am the cockroach

hiding in the shadows
retreating to the darkest corners
under cardboard boxes
once buried now uncovered
exposing the rot
I wallow in

long sleeve and sore thighs
lonely beds and empty nights
wanting to be held
but pushing them away
craving closeness
but mentally snapping
when you come near

running away
like I've never done before
willing teardrops
not to hit the floor
breathing heavy
barely breathing at all
hyperventilating
can't feel my heart
fall

I'm sinking into quicksand
this suction's got me weak
so yield a little
push a little
hold me against the wall
fall with me to my knees
and when we hit rock bottom
hold me
hold me
please?