Hiding myself

Why
Why do I do the things I do
If I know it will cause me pain
Everyday I wake up and try to smile
When inside all I feel is sadness
Everyday I tell little whit lies
To make myself fell better
When in reality it only makes things worse
I tell myself "I'm OK"
When I'm really falling apart
When people ask me "Why am I so sad"
I just smile and say "I'm not sad"
But really I'm wondering "How did my defenses slip"
Everyday when I get home from school
I say "I had a great day"
But really I'm just biding my time
Tell I can go to my room and scream in my pillow
Everyday I wake up and wish I hadn't
Everyday I live to try and make my defenses stronger
So that no one will ever see the real me