deepundergroundpoetry.com
immaculate structure
The universe gave me a calling to build a bridge to form a network so we can never unhinge learning answers forgetting them tomorrow but celebrating moments that never seperate people because of sorrow the fine line I that I can't see the connection between you and I that eludes me my eyes deception to piercing the vail I see something with no description I must have failed as wash my hands of the day residue resemble blood I must have not been saved but something is drawing me in coxing my name I analysis everything that why I have nothing to say I'll find the climax in the plot that's why I'm falling before I took off the dance of hot coals symbolizing the struggle for if we knew how painful each step was we would have second thoughts about why we should have never followed a path of mistrust
grammar not stong
grammar not stong
Published 10th Sep 2015
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The author encourages honest critique.
I think I know how you feel: you want to open up but are afraid of going overboard. So you cloak your sharing words with incoherence as a disguise. I mean you have a run-on sentence to make things a lil unclear, imprecise. Your piece is sort of a guessing game. We the readers have to guess at what you mean. You are afraid of the criticism if you just blurt it out?
Keep trying to expose what's in your heart. For it takes trust. I take it as a compliment when a poem stands unclad, like a nude model to be used as the subject of a painting.
Or more or less just inspiration if you see the painting of the model but an entire different sight of what was painted I mean what we mean is not how others always perceive I find the words but the words don't come from me the paradigm we are in we smell to see and talk to hear I living in a world the same one but from how my life is playing out seems with my eyes reborn to remember something I forgot when I was born when I look at the bigger picture of everyone its anger sadness ect emotional blockages that keep us wasting in our hell but seeing this place and struggles no one know or can tell we are the same two imperfect souls trying to reach our lessons in life what is are true goals
