deepundergroundpoetry.com
Bruised
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You were light and air
To me and all the
Points of light that
Lifted me from mundane
To extraordinary
You were sustenance
And quenching
Nourishing and slaking
My dried and broken soul
You held me
You comforted me
You loved me
To the tunes of the 1950”s
Then like a cloud
Passing over the sun
You dropped me
And suddeny I was free falling
I landed totally broken
Unable to see your face
Or speak your name
For me there was no air
You watched me reeling
Saw the bruises and
Turned your head
I have never forgiven you
And I love you still
You were light and air
To me and all the
Points of light that
Lifted me from mundane
To extraordinary
You were sustenance
And quenching
Nourishing and slaking
My dried and broken soul
You held me
You comforted me
You loved me
To the tunes of the 1950”s
Then like a cloud
Passing over the sun
You dropped me
And suddeny I was free falling
I landed totally broken
Unable to see your face
Or speak your name
For me there was no air
You watched me reeling
Saw the bruises and
Turned your head
I have never forgiven you
And I love you still
Published 22nd Aug 2015
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
22nd Aug 2015 11:49am
I get this topic. It makes sense to me. The layout of the poem makes it easy to read, as does the language, which is pleasant for the reader. Write on!
Minor error: And suddeny I was free falling 'And suddenly I was free falling'
Hope this feedback helps.
Minor error: And suddeny I was free falling 'And suddenly I was free falling'
Hope this feedback helps.
Anonymous
23rd Aug 2015 2:15am
This piece stirs my conscience. If it does that it has to be good.
