. Human Species Re-classification No. 368:

 I have decided to reclassify the human species
There will be now only three types of humans:
Plodders, Hoovers and Dynamos

Plodders: these are very much like sheeple
They plod their clumsy way through life with little
Or no concern about their environment or those around them.
They think very little and believe that fate rules their lives
And what happens is what was meant to happen.
They are powerless to affect much of anything
Only by their own inertia and attitude to life.
They are easily led and easily suggestible
They are shallow and take things at face value
They can easily be bought but they are too lazy
To seek a buyer or to be motivated to improve
These people represent the vast majority of the human race
Most likely to become computer programmers, fast food chefs
Shop keepers, school janitors, miners, steel workers
Super models, post office workers and police officers

Hoovers: these people are more common than I would like,
They are social vampires; they can suck the atmosphere out of a room,
And they can destroy another person’s mood and motivation within minutes.
We all know somebody like this, who can take your joy and happiness away
By their presence or by their mood. Most mood Hoovers are unintentional,
Their effect on others is no less damaging. There are a few people who are
Intentional mood Hoovers, they have the intent to destroy human company,
Atmosphere and peoples mood if it is a positive one. (Bastards)
They do this to get attention and to ensure they get talked about.
These same people are the kind of people who believe that any human
Attention is better than none - even bad attention - (Fools)
Most likely to become politicians, lawyers, estate agents, vicars, nuns
Sales people, middle management, traffic wardens and police officers

Dynamos: I remember at 14 buying my first bike from money I earned
Through a tough paper round. It had a little metal object with a fly wheel
Attached to the back wheel. It gave power to the lights both back and front
And the faster you peddled the brighter the light shone. This was my dynamo.
Human dynamos are similar but very rare most of us need them in our lives
A human dynamo has the innate ability to make you smile, make you laugh
Raise your spirits. They have the ability, without effort to brighten your mood
And your outlook. They also have the ability to motivate you positively.
As you all know I do not believe in angels, however, human dynamos
Are certainly the closest thing that actually exists. Most human dynamos
Don’t realize what they are and do not deliberately set out to be one
They just are
Most likely to become unemployed, retired, nurses, artists, writers, poets
Rebels, store Santa Clauses, children, grand parents and police officers