Distractions

The last words I said to you were
'I would do anything if it meant getting one step closer to being over you'
That's when it begin
It started with one drink. Then two shots. Four ciders. More shots. I lost count. All night. Every night. But it didn't help.

Then the men.
It stated with flirting. Texting. Attention from others so I talk to them instead of you. But then the kissing started. Then the sex. First it was one guy. All it takes is one guy right? To move on? But it didn't work. So there was the next. Then the next and the next. Felt great. But it didn't work. I had to try something new.

It started with over the counter "anxiety" meds. Then weed. More weed. Ice didn't help. Nor did coke. I was told E would help. It did. For a moment. I wanted more of that moment. I needed more of that moment. But it didnt. It left.

Next Experiment.
It started with a small cut. Just on my leg. It bled. It helped a little.
So I kept going. Wanting to get rid of the pain you made me feel.
One cut turned into 4. Then 10. One deep one in my arm. Until I knew what I needed.

All it took is one strong quick stab to the chest. As the knife dug deeper and the blood began staining my sheets.
I finally felt at peace
I was done.
I. Am. Over. You.