deepundergroundpoetry.com
Did You Stop to Think
[/font]
[/font][/font]Told
her you loved her and that you would be faithful
[/font]Yet
your actions only showed you as being ungrateful
[/font] [/font]
[/font]She
gave you all the love support she had
[/font]Still
you treated her as if she was an empty paper bag
[/font] [/font]
[/font]How
could you? No! Why would you go and commit the ultimate sin?
[/font]How
could you go and sleep with her best friend?
[/font]Out
of all the low down scandalous things you could do
[/font]Tell
me, what in the hell were you trying to pursue?
[/font]Revenge
wasn't a factor..this we know for a fact
[/font]She
was so loyal to you that your name was tattooed on her back
[/font][/font]Constantly
you took the risk of sexing Jade
[/font]She
never once told you about the cards she played
[/font]Russian
Roulette, she slept with many strangers
[/font]Not
caring about whose life she placed in danger
[/font]You
looked Tina in the eye after each indiscretion
[/font]kissed
her and sexed after each session
[/font] [/font]
[/font]With
Jade, you committed so much treason
[/font]Tell
me brother, what was the reason?
[/font]For
you to go and destroy Tina's life
[/font]Wasn’t
she supposed to be your wife
[/font] Never
once did you think twice
[/font]Of
the possibilities that she could be carrying your seed
[/font]Sadly,
Tina found out she was H.I.V. positive, my heart bleeds
[/font][/font]
[/font]Her
and the baby only has two months to live
[/font]Not
only did you kill them, your own life is now on the brink
[/font] [/font]
[/font]Did
you stop to think?[/font]
[/font]
[/font][/font]Told
her you loved her and that you would be faithful
[/font]Yet
your actions only showed you as being ungrateful
[/font] [/font]
[/font]She
gave you all the love support she had
[/font]Still
you treated her as if she was an empty paper bag
[/font] [/font]
[/font]How
could you? No! Why would you go and commit the ultimate sin?
[/font]How
could you go and sleep with her best friend?
[/font]Out
of all the low down scandalous things you could do
[/font]Tell
me, what in the hell were you trying to pursue?
[/font]Revenge
wasn't a factor..this we know for a fact
[/font]She
was so loyal to you that your name was tattooed on her back
[/font][/font]Constantly
you took the risk of sexing Jade
[/font]She
never once told you about the cards she played
[/font]Russian
Roulette, she slept with many strangers
[/font]Not
caring about whose life she placed in danger
[/font]You
looked Tina in the eye after each indiscretion
[/font]kissed
her and sexed after each session
[/font] [/font]
[/font]With
Jade, you committed so much treason
[/font]Tell
me brother, what was the reason?
[/font]For
you to go and destroy Tina's life
[/font]Wasn’t
she supposed to be your wife
[/font] Never
once did you think twice
[/font]Of
the possibilities that she could be carrying your seed
[/font]Sadly,
Tina found out she was H.I.V. positive, my heart bleeds
[/font][/font]
[/font]Her
and the baby only has two months to live
[/font]Not
only did you kill them, your own life is now on the brink
[/font] [/font]
[/font]Did
you stop to think?[/font]
[/font]
Published 5th Jun 2011
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
5th Jun 2011 7:30am
It says you encourage honest feedback. So be it.
This is not a poem, it is a diary entry. Obviously the emotions and events that inspired this are potent for you, and the persons you wrote it about may applaud you. However, that doesn't make this a poem, no matter how well you feel you spaced the lines. The audience simply doesn't care.
Try to avoid cliches, abstractions, and inversions like the plague.
Think about what you really want to convey and be creative with word choices.
READ THE CLASSICS! I can't stress that enough. Some poets to get you started: Edna St. Vincent Millay, Sylvia Plath, E.E. Cummings, Andre Breton, and Charles Baudelaire. Good luck.
This is not a poem, it is a diary entry. Obviously the emotions and events that inspired this are potent for you, and the persons you wrote it about may applaud you. However, that doesn't make this a poem, no matter how well you feel you spaced the lines. The audience simply doesn't care.
Try to avoid cliches, abstractions, and inversions like the plague.
Think about what you really want to convey and be creative with word choices.
READ THE CLASSICS! I can't stress that enough. Some poets to get you started: Edna St. Vincent Millay, Sylvia Plath, E.E. Cummings, Andre Breton, and Charles Baudelaire. Good luck.
12th Jun 2011 4:33am
