I cried

Last night I cried. See, we are trying to rebuild what has been lost. It has been 8 months since we have been together. We have a few dates, gone to a couple of coffee groups and I felt it was time to give it go. It started out familiar, comfortable. Laughing, cuddling and kissing. It had been so long. We reconnected. Remembering the love that was there. We had sex, I suppose it was vanilla, as I came I started to cry not random tears running my face, not the blissful release cry but the hysterical gut retching ugly cry. The crying you never want anyone to see. Why, you may ask. Because I over think. All of sudden, the memory of what had happen came flooding back. Questions start filling my mind. Is this what they did? Is this how she felt? Did she say their name as I just had? Is this what they did together? My thought became a runaway freight train. I was inconsolable. I cried. I eventually got it together. Collected my thoughts and put them away. We ate, played a competitive game of scrabble, that I let them win. I felt better and we moved on. The rest of the evening was great, I have the marks to prove it. We just started wrong. I think it will be OK. We will rebuild slowly. It is what it is. We shall see.