deepundergroundpoetry.com
Look tho the star
look up the star they shine like a sun how beautiful are they made a wish then u dream a very good dream they give u good luck when u see them they r your best friend and when they look at u they think u as a star so at night everybody sleep and had a good dream. one star fell down the earth but the star turn into a girl . she was scared and dont know what to do. she walk into a city everybody told the police that girl was not wear cloths. so they got her so cloths and ask what her name is. she reply say her name is rose . they say it a nice name. one year later, she had a new family and a dog name happy. he was a pitbull. one day .they teacher ask her to show the new student the school. she say yes sure. so they walk around and when they're done she ask what class do u had next jeff reply mmm math . oh rose say i had it too let go together so they did. at night rose look at the star miss her family and friend she miss them to much but she leaves earth in 7 mouth. one mouth later jeff ask rose to go on a date with her. she look at him and he look at her say what he hug her say i love you and she reply i love you too they look at the eye and kiss at the end of her day being a human. she say goodbye to jeff he say what why. she say i had to leaves now i love you and i will miss u and she cry and ran he gradher hand say please dont leaves me and rse pull and ran at night jeff find her and rose say what r u doing her and jeff reply i am ask the same question and please tell me the truth now why and rose say i am a star what and it time for me to leaves . he hug her say i will alway love u and i will alway loook at u at night so they kiss and say goodbye. the few day later at school he say her and ran to her say she she ask to live in earth with u and they kiss the end
Published 15th Jul 2015
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16th Jul 2015 00:56am
I thought that was wonderful. PM me if you want me to spell check the rest of it.
Looking up at the stars, how they shine, like a sun, how beautiful they are. Make a wish then you dream, a very good dream. They give you good luck. When you see them they are your best friend and when they look at you they think you are a star too so's that at night everybody sleep and had a good dream.
One star fell down to earth but the star turned into a girl. She was scared and didn't know what to do. She walked into a city and everybody told the police. The girl wore no clothes. So they got her some cloths and asked what her name is. She replied. Her name, is Rose . They say it's a nice name.
One year later, she had a new family and a dog name Happy. He was a pitbull. One day. The teacher asked her to show the new student the school. She said, yes, sure. They walked around and when they were done she asked what class he had next. Jeff replied, "Mmm math". "Oh", said Rose, "I have it too. Lets go together". So they did. At night Rose looked at the stars and missed her family and friends.
You should use capitals for names and you don't need to use the word so, so much. It gives the sentence more power:
"The teacher asked her to show the new student the school. She said, yes, sure. They walked around and when they were done she asked what class he had next."
vs
"The teacher asked her to show the new student the school. So she said, yes, sure. They walked around and when they were done she asked what class he had next."
It makes it sound like you care less about what your characters do.
Spacing and grammar do wonders for a poem. Don't stress yourself if English isn't your first language or you're just getting in to poetry. In the long run though it can make a good poem or piece(#this) in to a great one.
Duncan
Looking up at the stars, how they shine, like a sun, how beautiful they are. Make a wish then you dream, a very good dream. They give you good luck. When you see them they are your best friend and when they look at you they think you are a star too so's that at night everybody sleep and had a good dream.
One star fell down to earth but the star turned into a girl. She was scared and didn't know what to do. She walked into a city and everybody told the police. The girl wore no clothes. So they got her some cloths and asked what her name is. She replied. Her name, is Rose . They say it's a nice name.
One year later, she had a new family and a dog name Happy. He was a pitbull. One day. The teacher asked her to show the new student the school. She said, yes, sure. They walked around and when they were done she asked what class he had next. Jeff replied, "Mmm math". "Oh", said Rose, "I have it too. Lets go together". So they did. At night Rose looked at the stars and missed her family and friends.
You should use capitals for names and you don't need to use the word so, so much. It gives the sentence more power:
"The teacher asked her to show the new student the school. She said, yes, sure. They walked around and when they were done she asked what class he had next."
vs
"The teacher asked her to show the new student the school. So she said, yes, sure. They walked around and when they were done she asked what class he had next."
It makes it sound like you care less about what your characters do.
Spacing and grammar do wonders for a poem. Don't stress yourself if English isn't your first language or you're just getting in to poetry. In the long run though it can make a good poem or piece(#this) in to a great one.
Duncan
