The Right Decision

What if I never said it?
Could I have smiled without you?
What if I'd kept my mouth shut,
Gone on with my life and watched
From the shadows as you went on with yours?
Would that have been better,
In the end,
Because you could not have abandoned
What we never had?

Nobody told me you were the continent,
Attached to too many
To become attached to only me.
And nobody told you that I,
I was a peninsula:
Only one connection was enough for me.

And if I had never said it,
Then August would not have been
A time for tears,
Remembering regrets
When the anniversary comes around.
If I had said nothing,
Then I would have nothing to cry about,
And the loss would be a small side
Of wistful 'what if' of another kind.

But if I had never said it,
That January would have been a waste.
I would not have smiled until my face hurt,
Or spent days in the cold
With blue fingers
And thought them beautiful uses of my time.
If I had said nothing,
I could have smiled without you,
But they would be smaller smiles
And not worth what they were before.

So I'm glad I said it after all.
After all this time, it's broken, but,
I'll always be glad I said it.