Land of the Witless

I was going to go line-by-line for you but I ran out of time :)  You have some excellent phrasing here, wrapped around an idea that you're clearly passionate about -- but in all honesty, you need to "sweat" it.  There's enough here for a couple of poems, and that's nothing to do with length.  Too many lines detract from the main points, so even though you're attached to all of them, decide which ones you can't do without and then trim the rest.  Many of your question lines fall into that category -- you're running the risk of overplaying your hand and losing subtlety.  Nobody likes to be bludgeoned.  For example, look at the second-last stanza and ask yourself which parts haven't been said before?  The Rome analogy has been nearly done to death (and it was never a good one anyway, it just suited the egos of decadent men.)  In contrast, your two "Mother Earth" stanzas deserve to be built on, as the personification is very fine.  I also quite like your "land of the witless" stanza, it works well to change up the rhythm and the feel of the poem.  

Sweating is painful -- some writers call it "killing the babies" -- but the end product is (almost) always the stronger for it.

Thanks, I kind of figured that, but I wasn't quite sure if I was just imagining things. I really need to read it out loud and decide what to trim; I originally designed it to pan out from different styles (such as very long, descriptive form to a very brief and assuming type). I suppose when I wrote this, whenever I wrote something that was basically the same thing as I said before, I wanted to further exagerate the point, but that should probably be better done in one line then, uh, three.

The second last stanza was supposed to be an echo of the very first, and I was moreso citing how Constanople got invaded and using Rome as a filler (as I believe the Americans initially echoed the greco-roman society by being a "anything goes, everyone come here and spread your ideas"-kind of place), but I can definately see to reworking or just completely removing that portion. The very last bit of that portion though, is a bit I sort of stole from the Cultural Revolution in China when the Chinese soldiers made Tibetians dance on the bodies of their family and friends "because they were rebels", but additonally, I felt it might be more idealized as "the body of the human spirit". Without it metaphorically dying, I think that a large piece of the puzzle here might be missing, so I might just rework it somewhere, do something bland and uninteresting or maybe, with a dash of luck, score for gold in a moment of glory.

Trimming can definately be done; at one point, I started moving around stanza's, thinking they'd be better off here or there, and that's probably where it all gone wrong. I'll also have to read it in different orders, make sure that it's not being too redundant. Thanks! More criticism, I demand it!

Ha :)  I was initially going to suggest that your first stanza was your other weak one... perhaps just pick a couple of lines as the essence of the two and throw them in somewhere as couplets or refrains... I don't know, I don't have my thinking cap on just now but I'll be interested to see what you make of this.

Or should that be pieces? I admire and adore the complexity, but too must speak my warning as to over-writing and poem length. This is an incredible piece, but it would also make some incredible pieces. Keep this poem, this great wall of china, but build smaller more manageable teapot sized poems. I apologise if this sounds harsh or too overtly critical.

I am truly pleased that you have joined DUP and are a poet, and have written this.

After I finish reworking this (I haven't stared, need to shave some free time), I hereby instruct you to put your hand on the "critisizo-mizer" (the trigger that increases the quantity and intensity of your criticism) and then put it into FULL THROTTLE! I'd rather you go ahead and say; "OH MY GOODNESS YOU'RE AWEFUL, C'MON BRO, SPELLING ERRORS? THIS STANZA'S WAAAY TOO LONG! SHEESH YOU'D THINK. . ." than "Okay now, pretty ponies and rainbows, I think, maybe, if it's okay, just relax, I'm just saying that, y'know, maybe it can be a little shorter, y'know, yeah. . .".

That said, I am now criticizing you on your lack of critisism. I swear, by Thor and all the other Pagan gods, if someone as influential as you does not take critisizing my poem seriously, I will do absolutely nothing except maybe tell my mother because she cares about my feelings (or atleast pretends to).

Realistically, though, feel free to do as said; "HONEST CRITIQUE". I'm looking for thorough, hardcore nerd washdowns and serious opinions; I'll know a bad idea when I see it, and I'm fully aware that my work wont be influenced by anything I don't feel is necessary. Thanks for your concern though, I could imagine in a place like this (with certain lighthearted and completely normal/insecure people) it'd be absolutely necessary for you to take that precaution. If I hadn't made it clear already, there is absolutely no need! More critique; I demand it while I begin my mad scientist work on this piece of literary art!

I shall now criticise and educate you on the position of DUP and myself. These are a few things that seem to have been lost in the transportation from mind to words.
I doubt that I am as influential as you say, and though you may well find lighthearted people, normal ones are few and far between, thank goodness.
You can be plagued with 'lollers' simply beating poems down because they are there before you are even aware of the barbarian hordes at the heart of your linguistic legions.
My favours and words oh-so-pretty are also rare, few and far between so appreciate them little initiate.

It is however good news that you may rewrite this, I look forward to the results. The Roaming Empire expects victory.

Finally sweated it out, I had a lot of things to do and I finally got back. I'll be redistributing the other projects after I revise them and possibly add onto them so they'll be available to the general public (since I like pretending I'm in high demand, of course).

To be honest, it took me about two hours to get this done. Five minutes to sweat it out and then and hour and fifty five minutes formatting it in this poems HTML plagued box. I slammed my poor laptop closed in anger twice, I think.

Thanks for posting, yo.