StRaNgE eNcOuNtEr

A weird and wonderful alien
Came floating from the sky
Landing on open wasteland
Quizzically asked me "why?"

He'd expected a crimson red carpet
With greetings to be unfurled
And wondered why there was only me
Without the leaders of the world

 I tried to explain, that no one knew
Or possibly didn't care
Or mistook him for a publicity stunt
For chocolates, or underwear

 He seemed irate, and somewhat peeved
At hearing he wasn't taken for real
Producing a nuclear weapon from his pocket
Let out a frightening squeal

 But suddenly, he looked really shocked
As I nearly leapt out of my skin
And showing signs of bewilderment
Said "my god, you're very thin!"

I told him I'd been dieting
Mostly because I was poor
I asked him for a pot of gold
Which he'd collected on his tour

 He said "You must be joking mate"
"I've not come here to give"
"I'm an invader from another world"
And you'll be lucky if you live!"

 Now some may think I'm crazy
And they would probably be right
I called the alien a moron
And kicked him in his kite

 He screamed and cried and lamented
And I had a feeling that he swore
And told me in broken English
That his kite was very sore

 I apologised profusely
I'd lost all common sense
I kicked him this time in his digerido
As I'd learnt some self-defence

 One could see he was not impressed
With a raging face he glared
And told me this time, that I was doomed
As his four nostrils flared

 I quickly realised that he was slow
As slow as a slow slow sloth
And quick as a rabbit on honeymoon
I stamped upon his toe

 I had no idea this was fatal
As I watched, he slowly expired
His final words to me were
"You're improperly attired"

 I stamped once more upon his toe
As I could really take no more
Who on earth did he think he was
To criticise what clothes I wore?

by Jemia