recidivism

Clever title and concept. I struggled a with the third stanza (I only say because you're asked for such) but enjoyed nonetheless.

Thank you much and thank you more on the honesty... I think the context in that bit matches the concept but if it don't sound right, it don't sound right... I be looking at the fucker harder now. Much appreciated, cheers!

Liberal w the compliments my friend
Thank you kindly

I think this is a real cool piece, LB, always dig your concise style. You've got a nice flow happening, didn't pick up on the subtle assonance and alliteration rhymes in the opening stanzas until the third read.

I think Ahavati may have stumbled on "toss gross", this is the point in the poem when the rhyming becomes obvious. I don't think there's a problem with the stanza, because "but today is the last echo from the after" is a great line and important transition in the poem, perhaps removing the rhyme in this stanza by changing the words could be an improvement, offering the reader a defined break in the style before the closing stanza.

Also, back up in the first stanza, not sure if "aloud" should be "allowed", but I thought a small edit could even add a twist... "where nothing allowed will remain"... just a suggestion.

Cool poem and great display of technique despite the small critique.

a lovely day indeed... Thank you so very much AC on the thoughts. The allowed/aloud thing was a complete accident, but now I am intrigued , haha. Truly do appreciate the feedback my friend, cheers!

"..let us squander our lovely lies    
while the taffy still licks sweet.."
~This just screams- hurry! while we still have today..

love the mood here!
take care!
~d

Howdy DS!

Thank you kindly on the thoughts, appreciate you coming through

Ha, the feeling of change wafts throughout this space, the age of it all. I thoroughly enjoyed the time I felt you took with it and the beauty of the individual sections. Reading them separately made for just as interesting reading as together. Thanks for this.