deepundergroundpoetry.com
(Criticism Wanted.)
Cut my wrist?
My skinny brown damaged wrist?
Cut my wrist?
With the blade you planned to use on yourself..?
Cut in deep?
So deep it will turn me on?
Cut in deep?
Deep where i shudder in bliss like i planned in our dreams?
Let the red liquid leak?
Let in sink in deep?
You on top of me?
Holding me closely?
Painting as i'm dying?
Filled with sexual desire?
Bloody arms from the blood...
from my wrist?
Tongues clashing together?
Me in defeat?
Licking the blood off me?
With your wet long tongue?
Slowly down,
Slowly up?
Making love?
As i'm dying?
..Sounds great.
My skinny brown damaged wrist?
Cut my wrist?
With the blade you planned to use on yourself..?
Cut in deep?
So deep it will turn me on?
Cut in deep?
Deep where i shudder in bliss like i planned in our dreams?
Let the red liquid leak?
Let in sink in deep?
You on top of me?
Holding me closely?
Painting as i'm dying?
Filled with sexual desire?
Bloody arms from the blood...
from my wrist?
Tongues clashing together?
Me in defeat?
Licking the blood off me?
With your wet long tongue?
Slowly down,
Slowly up?
Making love?
As i'm dying?
..Sounds great.
Published 18th May 2015
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
18th May 2015 3:34am
Critique:
A lot of this, taken literally, could be scary. I hope you know that your mind is *Stronger* than any pain. kudos to hurt on-release, when writing.
The sexual desires and primal need, ie: mixing blood and sex, in us all- is understood, as in your piece.
the bold move forward! keep pouring ink!
~d
A lot of this, taken literally, could be scary. I hope you know that your mind is *Stronger* than any pain. kudos to hurt on-release, when writing.
The sexual desires and primal need, ie: mixing blood and sex, in us all- is understood, as in your piece.
the bold move forward! keep pouring ink!
~d
18th May 2015 4:30am
Anonymous
18th May 2015 1:35pm
Making love as I'm dying sounds great too:) One of only a few ways of going out that truly would be great. And I get the blood as metaphor for release, but literally the smell and the sight of it wouldn't do anything for me but make me faint.
