we listend

i spoke to god today  
 
i saw his face at the bottom of a bottle  
filled with morphine pills  
his voice whispered beneath each capsule  
as i tried to drown him out  
slowly i swallowed his presence  
as tears ran down my face  
i told him it was better this way  
as i had become a void of useless space  
seconds clicked into minutes  
as he embraced me deeply within his arms  
his hands powered the capacity of my lungs  
as he kept me from harm  
i carved his existence into my veins  
as he bled from my wrists  
he leaned over and said, if you die  
you will surely be missed  
on my hands he bandaged skin  
with a soft, gently placed kiss  
 
i spoke to god today  
 
as i laid on a stretcher  
completely stretched from the inside out  
he puzzled over my actions, as i convulsed in nauseated contractions  
his eyes were piercing, as he sat and gazed into my broken soul  
he pinched my skin, slid a sharp needle in and promised to make me whole  
i suffocated in his strength, as i sipped on his potency  
he overcame me, filling the lining of my womb like thick charcoal  
his fingers pumped my heart, as my rhythm gradually slowed to two beats  
i felt my body grow cold, but his warmth encased me between two linen sheets  
 
i spoke to god today  
 
as he said he completely understood my pain  
standing and speaking before the world, for everyone to shun my name  
constantly screaming at the top of my vocals chords, only for no one to hear  
i hung my head in shame, ashamed that i had disappointed he  
he looked at me with hope and said forgiveness is there  
but the healing process does not begin with me  
 
i spoke to god today  
 
his words mutilated my ears in such a harmonious sound  
we conversed for hours, just him and i, no one else around  
he said he grasped the depths of the emotions that i felt inside  
to be so pure in actions, only to be constantly denied  
we cried, him and i, i listened as i wiped away his tears  
he let me drain my fears into the palms of his hands  
not reprimanding my decisions, just repeating, how he understands  
 
 
© Copyright  June 06, 2010
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