Five

I was only the tender age of five
When I first developed the need to hide
From the nightmare that had become my life,
Keeping the secret deep inside,
Determined to hold the pain until I died.

It took more than a decade, hell, it took more than two
To realize there was anything I could do
To sort through the blame, old and deep, but untrue
And try for happiness, a concept brand new
But, believe me, I have thought a time or two

About all those years, now gone to waste
As I walked through life, afraid to taste.
I carried that pain as I moved place to place
Knowing if I ever told, I'd lose everything with haste

The horrible nightmares, the frozen tears,
the loneliness, the cold dark years.
The empty corners full of terrible fear,
The longing, the wishing, to have somebody near

And even now that I'm older, as things slowly heal
I look back over time and more pain is revealed
As I wish that somebody had protected me then
From the actions of another, way back when.

Because I can't even imagine having a normal life.
I feel like I'd give anything to know what that's like.