Me...MTD

Some say I have on rose-colored glasses and that kind of unbridled optimism causes me to head in the wrong direction. It's always wise to be hopeful and positive, but in this case I really do have to be especially analytical about all of the elements. I won't fall for someone's dramatic sales pitch. If I choose to invest my time or anything else in you then I would have to make sure it is solid and sound. I don't rely on another person's promise I rather get out there and confirm it for myself.

I don't normally write these lengthy explanations unless it's a story but hey we are after all speaking about feelings. Anywho.....Yes I feel insecure......and obviously it is something that need to be dealt with, I will deal with these feelings before I enter into a situation where I will be in the spotlight. If I don't come to terms with and improve my state of mind beforehand, I won't be able to put my best foot forward to ensure a success relationship. On the other hand, if I do review what's bothering me and I find a way to build up my confidence and belief, it will be beneficial.

My dreams tonight may offer me a glimpse of the future, although the messages received wasn't straightforward or easy to understand. I might need to keep a notepad and a pen by my bed and write down these dreams or thoughts that come to me so I can interpret them later in the morning. If my dreams however are uplifting and happy, then I take strength and hope from them and if they are frightening in any way, then I will force myself to believe it is simply a reflection of my own fear about the months ahead, mind you, this doesn't mean there is anything literally to fear. I will plan ahead and get the best out of life.

You may consider yourself as a illustration of safety and trustworthy, but human beings are not institutions, they have frailties and failings. Normally, working on something as important as this is possibly prone to corruption or error, so I am forced to be doubly cautious even if you seem to be above reproach.

I can't continue to start my days in high gear, keeping up a frantic pace as such will only wear me the fuck down. I have a lot to accomplish, but spreading myself too thin will not result in my best efforts. So I decided to slow down and calm down, and approach my days with a sense of purpose but also a feeling of relaxation. Hopefully my mood and efficiency will be significantly improved.

I know I am reciting a lot of "I's" but that is just the wrapping paper.

~twisted dreamer~