Heart of Clouds

Heart of Clouds
(This was written with the inspiration of Mayday Parades A Lesson in Romantics Album)

The guys and I, that being my brother and best man Wade, George, and Klay stepped out of the Limo. The bright lights of flashing signs and spot lights blinded us. Klay and George gawked at a couple of skimpily dressed women outside the Casino/Hotel. Wade wrapped his arm around my shoulder, we looked around in a full circle taking in the wonder with rapidly beating hearts.

The strip bustled with people and traffic. “Ready for your last night of freedom?” Wade teased.

I wished she could’ve been there but it wouldn’t be a bachelor party with the bride present. We spent hours losing money to black-jack and slots. After squandering thousands George almost bet his car till we pried him from the table. When we got to our room I was shocked at the view. The suite was huge with massive windows overlooking the strip. I stumbled over to one of the large navy blue couches and collapsed. The fabric was cool and soft on my alcohol heated face.

I sat up as Wade flopped down beside me. “I got a sur-” He interrupted himself with a hiccup. “I got a surprise for you Fox.” He then turned to one of the bedrooms and called out, “Rose.”

An exotic dancer entered in and turned on the stereo. She wore an extremely short skirt revealing lace panties. She had on knee high striped socks and wore her shirt tied around her chest cupping her breasts. I laughed and blushed a little. I didn’t really want a dance but I thanked Wade anyway. Wade handed me another drink and we cheered George and Klay on while they danced.

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I woke up the morning after we had consummated our marriage. I rolled over to see her face in front of the sunrise. Rays of light shone glistening off her lightly tanned skin and strawberry blonde hair. I could hear the roar of waves crashing against rocks on the beach below the beach house. I watched her nostrils flare with every breath, and her bosom moved up and down. Her breath was warm on my face and in that moment I was at peace it was perfectly serene. But I should’ve seen the signs, like spilled salt and broken mirrors.

“Cat please we can make this work.” I pleaded as she shoved clothes into a duffle bag.

“No Fox we can’t, I’m unhappy this isn’t working, we’re not working.”
“So just give up? You’re being selfish.”

“I don’t care.” She said through angry clenched teeth.

“You’re burning down our marriage. This hurts me too Cat.”

She didn't say anything else. Just left with some clothes and toiletries. Her tires screeched when she peeled out of the driveway. There was a hole in my chest. I didn’t move for a period time, just stood motionless and distant, until I started sobbing. I was distraught and furious. I grabbed a jewelry box and threw it at the mirror of her vanity table. The mirror shattered but it wasn’t enough. I punched holes in the wall till my knuckles were soaked in blood. Still sobbing I washed the blood down the sink and watched it spiral down. When I was finally out of tears I plugged in my guitar and cranked the amp, and I strummed till my fingers screamed.

Klay took me to lunch a week after. He never asked about it but I could see he was hurting for me. We split a pizza even had a couple of laughs, he knew I was in pain but still he was there. He  was still his jestering self.

In the middle of a joke he trailed off and his eyes widened. “Klay? Dude punchline.”

I started to turn my head around but he reached over the pizza, staining his loose graphic tee, and grabbed me. “Lets get outta here bro.” He sounded worried or scared.

“Why, what’s wrong?” He stopped me from turning again.

“Nothing uh, lets go down to the pier, fresh air y’know.”

“Alright sounds good.”

We stood and Klay dropped some cash on the table and thanked the hostess. We walked out the door and and Klay turned left away from the pier towards where other stores and bars sat. “Klay the piers this way.”

“Yeah, right.” His voice hinted at his obvious distraction.

We turned right around the corner where the pizza place was. A line of tall windows let light into the restaurant. There were only a couple patrons inside. A man at the counter lost in the baseball game. There was a mother with a young girl perhaps ten. And there was a couple. There was Caterina and a man whose lips were locked with hers. I paused tuning out what Klay had been saying.

He took a few steps before realizing I had stopped. “Fox, shit man,” He had been trying to help me avoid her yet there she was. “I’m sorry man.”

Anger boiled up as I watched her laugh and flirt. “Guess we shoulda turned left.”

“Fox I...”

“It’s cool,” I took a deep breath. “I mean who doesn’t leave a guy and go on a date before divorce papers are drawn up. I hope he leaves you empty Cat.”

I walked away trembling with mixed emotions. Klay walked me home and invited me to dinner. I respectfully denied. On the walk home I had thought about wallowing in self pity but when I walked in my door I was inspired, and turned my pain into words and put music to those words. The next day I got George to bring his drums over and Wade to play bass and Klay played rhythm guitar.

“Alright uh just follow along and get a feel for it.” I started singing and strumming. “I’ll have you know my eternity was a promise broken by the cold wind of Jersey and without repair, I swear it was just lies till you left.”

The guys picked it up and it sounded good but there was tension. They didn’t want to ask about it and I didn’t want to talk about it. But despite the tension we practiced a few times a week and eventually got a gig opening for a local band at a bar. Months went by and I coped by playing shows and focusing on work. One night after a good show I grabbed a few drinks from the bar and I felt a tap on my shoulder.

I turned and familiar arms wrapped around me. “Great show Fox it’s been a while hasn’t it?” She looked so happy. It enraged me.

“Why are you here Cat?” I said through clenched teeth.

“Heard you were playing thought I’d come see. How’ve you been?” I just glared at her. “That good uh? Hey I want you to meet someone, Chris.” She waved over the guy from the pizza place.

“Fox right? The ex-husband.” His voice scratched at my ears and the beers in my hands rattled against each other.

“We’re not divorced yet.” My words were slow and angry.

“Well the papers haven’t been signed but we’re divorced.” Cat reassured him.

Just as I was about to lose it and break a bottle over Chris’ sandy haired head Wade stepped in between the three of us. “Oh hey Cat,” He looked me in the eyes urging me to hold it together. “Sorry we’ve got to go.”

“Yeah, great show. It was good seeing you Fox.”

As I passed her I mumbled just loud enough for her to hear, “Hope you’re happy you hurt me.” I don’t know for sure if she heard me because she didn’t react.

When we got to George’s truck I vomited. “You ok Fox?” Wade asked worriedly.

“Yeah just sick to my stomach.” I wiped my lips off and spit a few times. “Lets get outta here guys.”

The next days were sleepless and saudade washed over me. With every blissful memory thoughts of him in my place occured. I remembered all the great times we had and with tears I wished I could have more with her. I wanted to be the one kissing her in the pizzeria. I wanted to sing songs of joy and love rather than pain and resentment. I wanted the nerve to dance with her again. But what I really wanted underneath the pain and lust I wanted her love. Like when I thought she had loved me, like when I thought it was all real.

About a year went by and we were officially divorced, but I still missed her. At times I’d catch myself saying her name when I’d wake up. I tried dating but no one felt right. I was at home one saturday and I was just eating a delicious sandwich with turkey, salami, provolone, pepper-jack, lettuce, pickles, peppers, mustard, and mayo. I was only a few bites in when I heard a quick knock and my front door open. From the couch the entry way wall blocked my view but I could tell who it was. Wade, George, and Klay filed into my living room. Wade flopped down next to me and shook his head shaking water out of his shaggy dark brown hair. George and Klay walked to the kitchen and came back with a couple of beers and stools. We had all known each other for so long. Wade and I moved here in third grade. We were such a motley crew, Wade and I although brothers looked nothing alike. My hair was a long dark black and my skin paper white, while he had always been naturally tan. George had cropped blonde hair and freckles that looked as if someone splattered him with paint. Klay was balt but had a thick goatee and mustache.

“Oh sweet can I have a bite man?” Wade asked referring to my sandwich. I handed him the sandwich and walked to the fridge for a crisp soda. “So uh Fox we had something to ask you.”

“Yeah, what’s that?” I inquired from the kitchen.

“Well uh we got someone who wants us to play a weddin’, they’ll pay well but uh.” He seemed nervous.

I sat back on the couch and munched into my sandwich and took a big swig of root beer letting the carbonation bite my tongue. “Who’s weddin’?” I ask after exhaling satisfaction.

“Yeah ‘bout that man.”

“Caterina’s marryin’ that prick from the pizza lounge, sorry brother.” Klay said solemnly.

“Oh.” My eyebrows raised in surprise.

“I didn’t know how to tell you bro. And we don’t have to do it, just thought the money would be nice.” Wade looked so afraid I’d be mad like it hurt him just to bring it up.

“Lets do it.” I said calmly.

“Really?!” The three of them said in unison, they were unhinged by my willingness.

“Yeah. You got a song list she wants us to play?”

“Uh yeah. She wanted Jersey Jamie, Black Anchors and Water Wings, Just Say Champagne, and er When I Get Home to Heart.”

“When I Get Home to Heart.” I repeated with some sadness.

“She was insistent on that one.” George said.

I sighed deeply. “I know it was your guys’ song. Lets just not do the weddin’ man.” Wade said while placing a hand on my shoulder.

“It’s fine. How long do we have to practice?”

“Till April.” Wade cringed when he spoke.

“In the same fucking month too?!” I yelled and stood swiftly. I paced angrily and the guys were tense. “Can we start practicing tomorrow? I was hoping to watch some stuff I recorded.”

“Yeah man ‘course. We’ll come over tamaraw.” Wade herded George and Klay to the door. We bumped fists then they walked to George’s pick-up. “You sure ‘bout this Fox?” Wade asked.

I locked my hand with his and wrapped my arm around him in a common guy hug. “I’m sure bro.”

After about a four months we knew the songs really well and were ready to play. The night before the wedding we drove parallel to the river that ran through the state. It was maybe and half hour drive but we left early enough to set up and get sound checks done. The room where the reception would be held was fairly large. It was carpeted with soft decorative copper carpet. And covering the tall windows were deep scarlet curtains embroidered with gold flourishes. Our room had two queen beds that hugged you tight while sleeping. The morning of the wedding we dressed in silverish gray slacks with platinum long sleeve button ups with black vests on top. Around noon Caterina kissed her new husband and every cheered. We played a couple songs then there were toasts then the bride and groom dance then we finished with “When I Get Home to Heart.” We let a D.J. take over after that and he just played a playlist. I went to the bar and ordered a scotch. I made the mistake of turning around, my eyes focused on Chris feeding Cat cake. My heart sank deep in my chest as if it moved to my legs to make its new home. I couldn’t grasp the fact that even though I loved her so deeply she never felt the same, like I was led to believe.

I rushed into the hallway, my guitar slung over my shoulder, feeling overwhelmed with a myriad of emotions. The corridor was long and lined with windows and pillowed benches. I sat on with one leg extended on the bench and the other lingering off. I stared out the window, there was a still pristine icy blue lake with a white gazebo floating in the middle. Images of Cat and Chris making love and having kids were burned into my eyelids.  I shifted my body feeling restless and I rested my elbows on my knees. My hands began to slap my face with a legion of wrath. My diaphragm spasmed forcing me to laugh but my laughter swiftly transformed into sobs. I held my head in my hands and choked back screams. Tears streamed over my fingers and splashed down on the hardwood floor. I felt weight on the bench like someone had just sat down beside me and then petite arms wrapped me in a tight embrace.

I had assumed it was Wade, but his arms weren’t petite. “Weddings are happy occasions Fox.” She said.

“Everyone cries at weddin’s.” I sounded much more rude than I had intended.

She then faced forward and without glancing at me she said, “I’m sorry Fox. For everything.”

“Water under the bridge,” I said devoid of emotion. I moved to stand but she grabbed my arm. “What Cat?” I again sounded extremely rude.

“Sing for me.” Her eyes always had a way of persuading me to do anything.

“Cat, c’mon I...”

“It’s bad luck to deny the bride.” She cocked a smile.

I propped my guitar up on my leg and unwrapped my steel ball bracelet that was strung through my faded pin up girl pick. My dad had given it to me a long time ago and when he died I wanted to ensure I would never lose it so I had the bracelet strung through a small hole in the wide end. I wrapped it so my hand was through the loop and then I turned the pick around then ran my middle finger through the new loop and wrapped in around my ring finger and grabbed it with my thumb and forefinger. Because my guitar wasn’t plugged in the chords came out muted but audible.

“Cat do I really need to?”

“It’s been forever since I’ve heard you sing.” She said with a longing nostalgic tone.

“I was just playin.” I said with heavy condescension.

“No I mean really sing, not preform.”
Memories of times when I would sing for her flashed in my mind like he fission of atoms. Despite the fact my heart had just sank into my gut I still played for her. She seemed to enjoy it and even swayed a little bit in her gorgeous dress. On her arms were lace sleeves that hung off the shoulder and connected to a lace top all fully see through but at the start of her breasts was a corset that flowed into a white gown accented with a sash like belt that was tied elegantly in the shape of a rose. The more I saw her the more I thought about the times we spent together and how she seemed so much more happy with Chris and it tore me apart. I only played for a couple of minutes until she got up excusing herself and saying she should be getting back to Chris. She held my hand with her silky palm and kissed my cheek, in dangerous proximity to my lips. I spent the rest of my night lost in the beginning memories we shared.

“I’m so glad I could get away.” She said exuberantly.

“Me too. Do you think they’ll find out we’re leaving?”

“Well not at least till the morning, they’ll read my letter, and who cares, they won’t even miss me, we barely talk anyways they just shower me with gifts if it looks like somethings wrong.”

I put her bags in the trunk of my Firebird, and hopped in the car where she was waiting. I leaned over and kissed her. The plan was to head north where I lived since I only went to Georgia for a summer job. The road was dark and rarely lit, and the summer air blew in warm and polluted with the smell of swamps of mangroves. She was used to the smell but it still bothered me even after two months of living there. When we got on the unpopulated highway I sped up to just under eighty miles an hour. She ran her hand up and down my thigh begging me to go faster. I pressed the pedal down to the floor of my car while she unbuttoned my jeans. She released the tension held in my pants and we broke a hundred mile per hour. She stroked me and leaned over taking me in her mouth. After a minute or so she sat up and said to pull over while still stroking me. I pulled off the road and parked on the shoulder. She took her pants off and moved into my lap. I slid my pants down my legs, I was practically shaking with anticipation.

She pulled her thong to the side but before we started I wanted to say something. “I love you Cat. Always have, always will.”

She didn’t say anything she just kissed me. At the time I thought that was an I love you but obviously it wasn’t. Regardless she still pushed me deep inside her and slowly moved her hips around and her body up and down. She curved her back to avoid hitting her head against the roof. At our climax she whipped back and  pushed against the roof with both hands screaming with pleasure.

I distinctly remember when she first kissed someone other than me. We were going to a party at George’s parents house, who were loaded with cash. It was a formal affair, so we dressed in our best and went out to meet George who was waiting in a Limo out in front of my house. George was never comfortable with his parents flamboyant spending habits, but nevertheless he complied with it as he would say. George and Klay both had beautiful dates who were in matching dresses, it was only later did I realize they were twins due to Klay’s date lustfully kissing him the whole ride and throughout the party. We pulled into the football field long driveway to the mansion George grew up in. George’s date almost fainted at the sight and she almost immediately ascended to a new level of easy. George rolled his eyes, the way he thought about it was “At least I’m getting laid” but you could see in his eyes he wanted a girl who didn’t care about the money.

We were greated by a butler at the castle gate of a door and escorted to George’s parents. “Ah Fox, so nice to see you,” His parents welcomed me after hugging their son.

“Mr. and Mrs. Berkin, this is my girlfriend Caterina.”

“Please call us by our first names.” They aid with fake embarrassment.

“Cate this is Marie and James, George’s wonderful parents.”

“Oh stop,” Marie said with modesty. They had always liked me and Wade, we were raised to always be polite in someones home, not to say they didn’t like Klay just they liked us more. “Darling that dress is just marvelous.”

“You’re to kind.” Cat replied. She was wearing a deep palatinate dress with a mulberry shawl draped around her. She was truly stunning.

James took my hand in a firm but familiar handshake. “It really is good to have you, come grab a drink with me let the girls talk.”

Cat didn’t notice me leaving, at least she didn’t react if she did. James led me over to a wall with tall cabinetry stretching the length of the wall which was around eighteen feet across. The cabinetry was made out of Hickory and stained with a chestnut finish. In the middle of the extravagant display cabinets protruded outward, creating a countertop. The display was symmetrical and each side had cabinets at the bottom far sides with shelves stacked on top. The next section inwards consisted of four rows of wine racks each standing from the floor to the ceiling. Under the counter top were mullion doors exposing a plethora of species of alcohols, ranging from scotch to whiskey and rum to mead. Just above the mullions was one long drawer that held diverse utensils, cigars, and cigarettes. Above the countertop was a deepened arch display of two racks of wine slightly angled downward. I don’t know how but every time I saw the cabinetry it became more impressive.

“What’ll you have my good sir?” James asked me in his oddly old style of speech.

“Do you have any White Merlot?”

“As a matter a fact I have a lovely bottle of nineteen eighty seven White Merlot.”

“Sounds exquisite.” I said eager for a sip.

James poured me a glass and made himself a cocktail. A butler soon after came in to retrieve James for a phone call. “Excuse me my dear boy.”

“Of course, I should probably get back to Cat. Thank you for having us.” He nodded and walked off out of the small lounge.

I sipped my wine while walking around the lounge for a bit, admiring some of the artwork and relics James collected. James had some modern pieces but one of my favorite pieces of art he had was Sleeping Venus by Giorgione. I polished off my glass of wine then went looking around for Cat. I looked around for ten minutes before asking Klay and George if they had seen her. They both hadn’t for a while. I decided to check up stairs and sure enough there she was in one of the halls pressed up against the cream colored wall with a mans tongue in her mouth. Her knee was being held up to the mans hip while he sucked on her neck. She let out slight gasps that made me twitch. I stood watching, hoping I was dreaming. But when my fist crashed into the mans face I snapped back to reality.

He was out cold with one punch, which surprised me due to the fact he was well built. “What the Hell Fox?!” Cat exclaimed.

“We’re leaving.” I said with anger dripping from my teeth.

I grabbed her elbow and led her downstairs. “Ow Fox that hurts.” She whined. But I loosened my grip nevertheless.

George saw something was wrong immediately. “Fox you ok? You look mad man.”

“Can I borrow your car?” I asserted.

“Uh yeah man take the Vantage, keys are in the garage.”

“Thanks.” I grunted.

I lead Cat through some hallways then through the door leading into the garage. Now George’s dad didn’t just have a garage with one or two cars. He had a showroom with at least ten cars at any given time. The checkered marble flooring was blinding when I first turned the lights on. The Vantage was the closest car to the door but the keys for all the cars were were hung on a corkboard on the wall opposite of the door we entered through. I walked past two cars that combined would be over half a million dollars. And there were three luxury town cars, one for every member of the Berkin family. I grabbed the keys marked Vantage and hit the garage door opener. I opened the passenger door and practically shoved Cat in. I wasn’t proud of myself for not being able to control my anger but that was just it I couldn’t control it. I sat comfortably in the cool granite leather seats inside the phthalo green two door coupè. The leather actually covered the seats, dashboard, and steering wheel. I pushed the key into the ignition and the car lit up with an Egyptian blue hue. I pressed on the gas after the garage door opened and the car smoothly rolled over the gravel to the inner gates. We pulled away from the European style mansion, leaving the bright lights from the windows and its red bricks behind us. The headlights of the car repelled the darkness away from the road. We drove past many trees that blurred when you went to look at them but the light would shift away before you could try to see them regardless. Cat was staring at me expecting me to say something I held my tongue while taking deep breaths trying to quell my anger with the air conditioned breeze. Other than the noise of the tires gripping the asphalt and propelling us forward the car was silent.

“Fox say something, anything.” Cat finally blurted out.

“Why?” I exhaled and locked my eyes with hers for about thirty seconds, which scared her as much as it did me but I wasn’t thinking clearly.
“I don’t know, I...I was tipsy and lost myself. I’m sorry. I love you Fox. Do...do you still love me?” She was choking on tears.

The question hit me hard. For two reasons, I was angry at her for thinking I didn’t love her anymore, and I was angry with myself because it was the first time I had ever questioned my love for her too. My hesitancy made her eyes overflow with saline tears. The skin of my knuckles stretched thin while I gripped the steering wheel. I pissed at her and I was afraid that she might do something worse than kiss another guy. But I knew I still loved her.

I pulled over to the shoulder and turned off the car. “Cat I love you with all my soul but this really hurt.”

“I know I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” She croaked.

I pulled her close and tight to my chest. “Be mine tonight Cat, be mine.”

We kissed and continued on a silent drive home. Two years later we were wed and a year after that she left me. Just under a year after she left me she married Chris. Wade and I were out at lunch at a family owned panini shop. It had been about a year since Cat married Chris. We were treating ourselves due to getting a good gig at a concert. Wade got a panini with salami, proscuitto, roasted turkey, provolone, and garlic sun-dried tomato pesto on Focaccia. I got one with roasted turkey, provolone, and basil pesto on focaccia. They cam out cut diagonally in half so we both had half of each. Wade was awfully procrastinating finishing his sandwich so he could continue flirting with our waiter. Our waiter, Mason, had short really dark hair with a dark amber streak in his bangs which his bangs ended just past his eyebrows. He was really skinny and lengthy and had pasty skin poking out from under his waiters vest and rolled sleeves.

Wade stood and walked the bill over to Mason so he could ask him on a date. While I was still sitting at the table I heard my name. “Fox,” She called with a surprised tone. “It is you, what a coinkydink.”

This can’t be real. I mutter the words in my closed mouth. I turned and sure enough Caterina was there, as if I was the one who had moved out of the state and was back for some reason. She was wearing onyx black skinny jeans with holes at the knees and a cherry blossom pink off the shoulder top, revealing a black tank-top strap. Her style hadn’t changed much since we were kids, which bothered me I think it did because it confused me how she could change her feelings for someone but not her style. I stood and before I could greet her she fell into me with a tight hug. She was a few inches shorter than me, which placed my nose just above her chardonnay blonde hair. A strong peach and lilac aroma filled my lungs with a well known but long since gone scent. I instinctively hugged her back, my body was with her but my mind was back in the days when she hugged me. When she kissed me, loved me.

She pulled back after a minute. “I thought you moved outta state?” I said and judging by her expression I must have looked really puzzled.

“I did I’m just in town for the week, for some stuff.”

“Oh, what kind of stuff?”

“It’s crazy I just happened by you, what are you doing?” She dodged my question.

“Just grabbin’ lunch with Wade.” I pointed my thumb over my shoulder gesturing towards Wade and Mason.

“Cool cool, I was just headin’ over to Gigi’s. Wanna walk with me?”

Georgina “Gigi” Faye was a friendly delightful old woman who used to be my neighbor when I was younger. I’d help with her housework and in return she would bake me sweets. When I was seventeen I found a ounce of Marijuana in one of her cupboards, she informed me she was a well known dealer and in exchange for keeping quiet she would sell me some at a discount. That was the first time Gigi had ever been remotely intimidating. I remember the wrinkles in her forehead and cheeks pursed as she tilted her head down and looked me in the eyes over her glasses. When Cat came up with me from Georgia I told her about Gigi and being unambitious twenty year olds we got in the habit of smoking, a lot of smoking. But when my Dad past away one night I had missed his phone call due to being stoned, so I never smoked again and to help me resist Cat quit too.

“Uh yeah sure, just let me tell wade.”

I told Wade who was still preoccupied with Mason the waiter. Cat and I walked a few blocks with another twelve to go, but in the city it was faster to walk than drive. “Whenchu start smokin’ again?” I asked.

“Like five months ago, been pretty stressed with work and Chris.”

“Why’ve you been stressed ‘cause of Chris?”

“Ugh he’s just been so clingy and jealous lately, that’s kinda why I came here rather than buy from my dealer, I wanted a break.”

“I see, well at least you know he cares.” I felt my mind slip into anger but I pulled myself back up.

“Yeah I just...” She trailed off.

When we got to Gigi’s apartment she greeted me with a big fragile embrace. She was surprised but ecstatic to see me. “Oh it’s great to see you dears, I thought I heard from your mom, Fox, that you two split up.”

I cringed at the remark and before I could correct her Cat interjected. “Nope,” She locked her arm with mine. “Still blissfully in love.” She said while we walked into Gigi’s humble apartment.

I had to force my jaw not to drop. “Wonderful, well down to business yes? How much you want deary?”

“What’ll three hundred get me?”

“Hmmm for you  two,” She thought for a moment scratching at a liver spot on her forearm. “Make it three fifty and I’ll give you a whole ounce.”

“Shit yeah,” Cat exclaimed. “Can you front me fifty Fox?” I had exactly fifty dollars, two twenties and a ten, but I gave them to her regardless. “Thanks.” She smiled and kissed my cheek.

Gigi took the money around the corner and came back with a large pitch leather purse that held a gallon ziplock bag filled with pot. Even through the bag and and purse the smell of cannabis lingered. Cat gave Gigi a hug and when I went in for a hug Gigi whispered in my ear that she knew Cat lied about us still being together. I kissed her wrinkled weather-beaten cheek and Cat and I left. We stepped down a couple of stone stairs and Cat hugged my arm and turned me to her face

“Lets go lay down near the Meer.” She said happily.

“Ok.” I agreed but I was confused as to why, there was something about her that compelled me to do whatever she wanted.

Cat picked a spot just next to the water where some ducks were wading and laid under the shade of two Yoshino cherry trees. The soil was cool and soft, surprisingly comfortable. Cat scooted close to me and rested her chin on my chest. She was walking her fingers around my stomach and chest and humming a tune. She was looking at my eyes I could feel it but I didn't want to meet her eyes with mine, I know what it would mean, what it would do to me. My heart was racing and she could feel it.

She brought her face  up to mine. “Kiss me Fox.”

“Cat you’re…” She interrupted me with a deep kiss. Our tongues danced liked they once had.

Cat pulled away as an alarm on her phone went off. “I gotta go. You still live in Montclair?” She stood and asked.

“Yeah, where are you going?”


“Maybe I’ll stop by sometime. It was great seeing you Fox.” She smiled and ran out of the park and flagged down a cab.

I was dumbstruck at the whole series of events. My heart was thumping hard in my head and I couldn’t focus on a thing. I laid under the Yoshinos until my face was lit with street lamps and video billboards. I got up and slowly walked to the curb and hailed a taxi. It took me a few minutes to get a cab but I didn’t care because there was loads of traffic and I was lost in thought.

“Wheyah headin’ pal?”

“249 Grove St. Montclair.” I said to the cab driver when I settled into the brown leather.

“That’ll be a few bucks you shaw?

“Yeah I’ll have the money there.”

He shrugged and I leaned my head back and stared at the ratty car ceiling. I don’t falling asleep but before I knew it I was home on my couch staring at a cobweb in one of the high corners of my living room. My t.v. was on mute and the lights of a newscast shone on my face. There was a whining high pitched tone being emitted from my t.v., it was about six years old and wasn’t in good shape, but it did the job. I numbly sat on my kobicha brown leather couch. I wouldn’t think or move.

It had just started to rain when I hear someone pull into my driveway. Not a second after hearing a car door close there was a light rapping at my door. I answered it and it was Cat, she was dripping wet but wasn’t soaked. I greeted her and invited her in. She made a comment about how I never used lights then went into the kitchen and flipped the light on and opened the fridge. She turned around with two sodas in hand. She tossed her purse, the one from Gigi’s, on the counter and pulled out two hand rolled marijuana cigarettes. She walked over to my couch and flopped down causing her unsupported breasts to bounce inside her thin wet white tanktop. I half suspected that she had worn it just to coax something out of me. I gawked for a second before regaining my composure then I sat at the other end of the couch from cat.

Cat lit one of the joints and took a long drag. She blew out the pungent smoke and bounced down the couch to me. “Here, it’s good, you’ll like.” She moved the burning weed to my face.

I hesitated but took a puff of smoke into my lungs. She opened the cool sodas and took a swig. “Cat why are you here? Not that it’s bad I’m just confused.

“Why do you think?” She placed her hand on my thigh and kissed my cheek. “Lets dance.” She said and stood and turned on my stereo system. She turned on some pop-punk, pop-rock station and she started bouncing up and down while swinging her head rhythmically.

She came over to the couch and put her arms out for me to stand. I stood and started swaying while cat rubbed against me, antagonising my sexual lust. When the song ended she could tell I was aroused. She wrapped my arms around her from behind and with her hands on top of mine she moved my hands up and down her body. I pushed our bodies together tight and Cat let out a slight gasp. I ran one hand up to her chest and cupped her breast and I slid my other hand down pushed inside her pants but outside of her soft panties. I gently bit her neck and awakened Cat’s full passion. She turned to face me while still in my arms then she took off her tanktop. Her breasts were small and perky and firm to the touch. She drew close to me and placed her hand on my chest, then she pushed me back onto the couch and sat in my lap still facing me. She sensually took my t-shirt off then grinded out crotches together while pressing her breasts in my face. I took a hold of them and played with them by sucking on her nipples and lightly pinching her areolas.

After extensive foreplay we moved to my bed I laid cat on her back kissed down her body. I sucked on her neck and nipples for a short time before before proceeding to her midriff, then finally I licked and ate her till her clitorous was swollen and she screamed in plearsure. As the night progressed I lost myself in the sex. I wanted in but at the same time I was disgusted with myself because I was now the man she was using to cheat. I was sick yet able to continue with that I once would’ve called love but was now perverted into senseless lustful desire.

I awoke the next morning naked and my comforter strewn over me. With my eyes closed I patted around the right side of my bed, but it was empty. She was gone already. Without a goodbye or, without an explanation. She said she had a week in town yet she left and before nine at that. After my routine urination I pulled on a pair of basketball shorts and shuffled to my fridge. I opened it and stared dumbly. Amidst the dangerously close to expiration gallon of milk, beer, soda, and chinese take out, there was a large vanilla chai tea with a light pink lipstick stain near the mouth and a joint resting on top of it. I stared cow-eyed and my jaw hanging open, words were caught in my throat.