abyss

as I fell into your arms, I gripped your back and my legs clenched around your waist
I felt you slowly sink into me, your weight pressed on my body, our breath labored, I moaned out in pure ecstasy
as we laid next to each other, drops of regret falling from our bodies, I found myself--there
so desperate to feel anything other than my lingering numbness, more than my personal detachment from anything that could hurt me, so tired of feeling nothing I shared with you something I normally wouldn't
allowed you to see a side of me that most don't, wanted to feeling something, anything, I found myself fucking my way to answers I couldn't find within myself
the same answers I couldn't find within you
wondering why I thought I'd find clues in your moans, hints in your grunts, answers to why I was so unavailable to love, to feel anything other than this penetration that could only go so deep before I realized it wasn't deep enough
knowing my mind wasn't responding the same way my body was
see my body wanted you
your lips on my neck
your hands on my ass
our passions unfolding as our desires finally clashed
feeling as though I would find reason somewhere under those sheets
that I would finally figure out why I had this
unwarranted detachment from you
and I realized that my love was intense
that most could never experience it
that most would never experience it
that I made an armor shield around my emotions
refusing to let anyone in
understanding that I don't fall often
but I fall hard
so I laid under your body, scratching at your back, moaning encouragement
knowing you would never get deep enough to actually feel me
I wanted you to feel me
I needed you to feel me
But you couldn't...