deepundergroundpoetry.com
sea-dog songs
doing a lot of walking these days
out to the beach the headland
now that I’m leaving
happens every few years
‘cos the work's always shifting
and I'm not a bloke to grow moss
keep movin' movin'
the dog doesn’t know it yet
but it looks like we’re going country for a while
new job is a long way in
a long way up
in-the-mountains shit
I’ll miss the sea like a leg's been chopped
and the dog will be the same
he doesn’t mind a pond or a lake
but nothing's finer than charging into the surf
chasing a well-thrown stick
every throw always has me
at the end of the curve of arm
anchoring my eyes to the sea
I feel worse for him
cos I get to choose
but he has to come
hurts him to live away from me
and I keep following the jobs
taking the ones that look hard
figuring no satisfaction
in earning easy money
I didn’t make the dog that way
didn’t make me that way
some dogs just are
so now I’m waiting on the phone call
should know in a week or two
I go out walking
filling my eyes
and always take him
if you hear howling
some nights
down by the beach
say nothing
leave it alone
or blame the dog
.
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Re: sea-dog songs
Anonymous
13th Feb 2015 00:22am
i don't know what it feels like to miss the ocean, but i know what it is to miss the mountains. our favorite landscapes get under our skin and we can't get them out. we always will want to go back. it's who we are and who we will be.
spectacular write. spectacular.
spectacular write. spectacular.
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re: Re: sea-dog songs
13th Feb 2015 00:52am
Cheers M…yes, a hymn for the landscapes/seascapes that we feel define us…and very pleased you saw that :-)
Good on you my dear.
H.h…..and a half
Good on you my dear.
H.h…..and a half
Re: sea-dog songs
13th Feb 2015 00:30am
Hemi hate that you have to leave the sea for a time.. I live far from the ocean which is my hearts home small deaths feels like.. this poem hit me in the gut for some reason.. you and your dog belong by the sea you're a salty dog.. wishing you be done with this job and back where you belong soon.. with love Crim
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re: Re: sea-dog songs
13th Feb 2015 00:54am
Hey C…nice to see you in the house. Yes, I'l be away, but trust me, I'll be back….we always go back, until we're scattered ashes :-)
Good on you my dear.
hH.Hh etc
Good on you my dear.
hH.Hh etc
Re: sea-dog songs
13th Feb 2015 1:54am
Hugh
I'm going to be honest, some of the minimalism isn't sitting right with me. I'll give you a few examples:
happens every few years
‘cos the work's always shifting
and not a bloke to grow moss
keep movin' movin
and not a bloke to grow moss ..I think it needs the word I'm, even though it's not palatable for you
the dog doesn’t know it yet
*but looks like we’re going country for a while*
^ that line too, it's too close a call to the dog looking like he's going to the country, even though you use we're, for me anyway it's not doing it, I mean it's just a two letter word heh :)'
he doesn’t mind a pond or a lake
but nothing finer than charging into the surf
^ last line there. again, for me it needs there's for it to work
I feel worse for him
cos I choose
but he has to come
hurts him to live away from me
and I keep following the jobs
take the ones that look hard
figuring no satisfaction
earning easy money
^ that stanza works well, even though you've used minimal, it has a good flow and makes sense on the first read
I go out walking
filling my eyes
always take him
if you hear howling
some nights
down by the beach
say nothing
leave it alone
^ same with this one, and most of the latter half of the poem and the first stanza. I think you switch from minimal to downright austerity
I could be wrong, chances are I am, but I wouldn't be a mate if I didn't say what I see
sorry, bout that
I'm going to be honest, some of the minimalism isn't sitting right with me. I'll give you a few examples:
happens every few years
‘cos the work's always shifting
and not a bloke to grow moss
keep movin' movin
and not a bloke to grow moss ..I think it needs the word I'm, even though it's not palatable for you
the dog doesn’t know it yet
*but looks like we’re going country for a while*
^ that line too, it's too close a call to the dog looking like he's going to the country, even though you use we're, for me anyway it's not doing it, I mean it's just a two letter word heh :)'
he doesn’t mind a pond or a lake
but nothing finer than charging into the surf
^ last line there. again, for me it needs there's for it to work
I feel worse for him
cos I choose
but he has to come
hurts him to live away from me
and I keep following the jobs
take the ones that look hard
figuring no satisfaction
earning easy money
^ that stanza works well, even though you've used minimal, it has a good flow and makes sense on the first read
I go out walking
filling my eyes
always take him
if you hear howling
some nights
down by the beach
say nothing
leave it alone
^ same with this one, and most of the latter half of the poem and the first stanza. I think you switch from minimal to downright austerity
I could be wrong, chances are I am, but I wouldn't be a mate if I didn't say what I see
sorry, bout that
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re: Re: sea-dog songs
Mate…good on you! I'm in a bind at the moment, caught between a lot of prose writing where words are thrown around like they're cheap, and older ideas about poetry, where words must die. You and I have spoken before about the line-cross to unreadable, and if I've crossed it, then fucking good on you for saying so :-)
No harm, no foul.
H……..head…..ish
No harm, no foul.
H……..head…..ish
Re: sea-dog songs
13th Feb 2015 3:07am
You've read a couple things I wrote, so you probably guessed I barely know the meaning of minimalism. It worked for me, had me hook, line and sinker until I stumbled on 'is nothing's finer'. I think that no me's and I's rule should be tossed out the window when the subject is as personal as this. your talking about something that is an almost integral part of who you are, leaving it too open to interpretation would weaken it in my view. (But I'm a mememe kinda guy)
On the brighter side of things, if that phone call comes then at least we'll be seeing more longing poems about the sea. I'm the same about the city. Tried living in the sticks and the quiet drove me nuts, who'd have ever thought I'd miss the sirens.
On the brighter side of things, if that phone call comes then at least we'll be seeing more longing poems about the sea. I'm the same about the city. Tried living in the sticks and the quiet drove me nuts, who'd have ever thought I'd miss the sirens.
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re: Re: sea-dog songs
Nice..."missing the sirens"...could be we are missing the same thing :-)
Cheers for your thoughts man, and yes, you are a wordy bastard, with no offence intended :-)
I/me and my thoughts to them will kinda go on forever I think...always suspect that my writes are really just self-indulgent wank, at best/worst/whatever, so I carve out what I can....makes no sense what so ever...
Good on you for swinging through.
H........H
ps...shot and killed that typo :-)
Cheers for your thoughts man, and yes, you are a wordy bastard, with no offence intended :-)
I/me and my thoughts to them will kinda go on forever I think...always suspect that my writes are really just self-indulgent wank, at best/worst/whatever, so I carve out what I can....makes no sense what so ever...
Good on you for swinging through.
H........H
ps...shot and killed that typo :-)
re: re: Re: sea-dog songs
13th Feb 2015 4:26am
I missed those kinds of sirens too... Lol no offence taken, we are what we are. Poetry is self indulgent, unless your tryna change the world. A lot of people would miss your brand of wank if you ever stopped posting, and we're not looking for the sense in them, just the heart.
Damn that was a cheesy line...
Damn that was a cheesy line...
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Re: sea-dog songs
13th Feb 2015 5:23am
we get taken away, by choice sometimes, & sometimes not. there's a small hurt we carry w/us till the job is done. it's like that for a man, maybe the dog too...
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re: Re: sea-dog songs
13th Feb 2015 5:35am
Re: sea-dog songs
Some dogs just are...
Juz loved this..spoke to me at many levels..
you spell emotionally philosophical as u speak of the hard way u choose n all..moreso about dog..it leaves me heavy with unfalling tears n that throat-lump moment..that which intensifies as u end telling to ignore or blame. Hard man hemi is all i cud feel as he fills his eyes, n exposes his tender heart.this a moving piece n culdnt add anything (as ever) to improve ur profound expressions
Juz loved this..spoke to me at many levels..
you spell emotionally philosophical as u speak of the hard way u choose n all..moreso about dog..it leaves me heavy with unfalling tears n that throat-lump moment..that which intensifies as u end telling to ignore or blame. Hard man hemi is all i cud feel as he fills his eyes, n exposes his tender heart.this a moving piece n culdnt add anything (as ever) to improve ur profound expressions
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re: Re: sea-dog songs
14th Feb 2015 10:21am
My dear, thank you...you've left some very genorous comments of late, with your latest no exception...really is a joy :-)
H.h......and a spare h.
Ps, you have reminded me that I need to give more, so will do a bit more commenting as well :-)
H.h......and a spare h.
Ps, you have reminded me that I need to give more, so will do a bit more commenting as well :-)
Re: sea-dog songs
22nd Feb 2015 6:57am
I lived by the sea for some years and it killed me to leave, i had a dog too, dana, but she missed the sun and the sand and the surf as much as i did and i swear she died of heartbreak, me, i am made of sterner stuff and wait for the time when the sea would wash over me.
Love your poem, in fact, i read through all your stuff but this one hit where it hurt. Thanks
Love your poem, in fact, i read through all your stuff but this one hit where it hurt. Thanks
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re: Re: sea-dog songs
24th Feb 2015 2:01am
Mate…that's a sad song.
Cheers for letting me know that went places for you….glorious to hear :-)
hh
Cheers for letting me know that went places for you….glorious to hear :-)
hh
Re: sea-dog songs
4th Mar 2015 6:08am
The poem would be more poignant if it ended after "say nothing", in my opinion. The rest is too tell-not-show. As a whole it's rambling and loose, but in a good way, or, more precisely a way that works for it. Some sharper images wouldn't go amiss, but it's a sweet, amiable and insightful poem, drawn from the waters of just-getting-by. Thank you for the read.
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