Remnants of Burnt Relics

"many rivers to cross"...
shores littered with empty sandcastles
time swirls and swarms like a sandstorm
whipping me until i unravel
beaches buried beneath the currents
of overflowing emotion's high tide
knocking me to my knees
as i wailed,cursed you and cried
spewing sewage from my soul
like regurgitated bile
puked pain from my irises
yes i wept like a child
sobbing uncontrollably
emotionally overcome
flood gates rattled loose
shaking as the tears run
for it has been years
since i seen you last
antique bones
skeleton from my past
"not so holy"ghost
whisperer of agony
there, but never there
haunting me thru memories
how could you just leave?
and not even say goodbye
said i was your favorite girl
i guess that was also a lie
yet something in me remained
wishing...hoping
but promises promises
always meant to be broken
so Dear Daddy i give you
this blood stained token
remnants of a heart
that forgot how to beat
tainted tears and burnt love
smeared on blood stained sheets
smoldering in bitterness
and coagulated ashes
in the blinding hurt
dripping from my lashes
stinging me, burning me
choking me like mace
all my coughed up angst
and phlegm spit in your face
apparitions released from my lungs
as i let go...and exhaled phantom wraiths
things that suffocated my soul
and made me question my faith
perhaps i built fairytales
as a kid i idolized you
but when you denied me
i lost all respect for you
it broke my heart in two
totally confused me too
how could you look at me
and not see you
BUT alas you are only human
and hell, i've made mistakes too
i spent years wasting dreams
torturing myself, by hating you
see, i never felt good enough
unlovable,least not by you
and as twisted as it sounds
i deemed myself unworthy too
my punishment was to believe
that love was suppose to hurt
that i should have to cry for it
beg for it, crawl around in the dirt
i put up with the unthinkable
because i couldn't see my worth
in all the wrong places,searching
to fill the aching hole in my heart
until realizing if i want others to love me
i was gonna have to start
but lesson learned
after all experience is a good teacher
and I, yes even I,the bastard child
of a crooked preacher
I AM Worthy
 AM Loveable
 AM Good Enough
so i think it's high time
i gave back all your stuff
burnt relic, heavy baggage
that literally weighed me down
cause i'm sick and tired
of carrying it around
i give this to you peacefully
my intent is not to hurt you
but to free myself
from pain's poisonous glue
i've been stuck long enough
and i'm ready for a breakthrough
i tried to numb it,hide from it
to bury it,tho deep down i knew
it obviously wouldn't have hurt
if i didn't truly love you
so no more anger and bitterness
no more hatred and spite
these remnants serve as a reminder
despite all,i loved you with all my might
to show i hated that i loved you so much
that it once corroded my sight
and when i kneel before the divine
i humbly pray for light
to guide me thru this labyrinth
and allow me to sleep at night
so when you ask is it possible
to make amends,and start anew
understand it's taken alot
for me to say... YES,I Forgive You!!!


revised and partly inspired by
Many Rivers to Cross by Jimmy Cliff
http://youtu.be/C6kl6qRsFN0