Green Shadow of a stair lit night.... part seven

and the letter read
 
"I'm sorry... I'm really sorry and don't think what we had  was nothing. If in fact it was all i ever wanted. I'm so sorry, i know i haven't really told you every thing. its because sometimes talking about it will hurt much more. I can't sleep, think or even smile. you are the only thing that truly helped. but now I have lost. The voices are louder, the beasts in the forest comes ever closer. and now I feel I can't go on. don't ever think it was because of your imperfections.they only made me fall more in love with you, your smile that cured my sadness, your lips that numbed my mind and your sadness only made me want to make you happy. I loved you... please don't forget me."
 
and just like that. she was gone. the only good thing that has ever happened to me and she was gone. I could not take it so I left. I went to my small dark room. I cut up and down my arms,  and even my chest. I was so mad and sad and yet there was nothing I could do to stop the pain I had. why me? why me? I never hurt any one. all I did was try to be happy,  but I guess that some people are not meant to be happy. I felt more then I ever have. my arms where shaky and my hart was truly dead and the voices in my head turned to her's. I did not tell Jill or Ian how could. I closed my eyes and I would see her face and I tried to sleep I could feel her lips. my life turned from hell to not worth living." Just shoot me. kill me, kill me I said to my self as I sat on the floor. The next day I did not go to school. I went to the grave yard and I sat where me and her would sit. As I sat there smoking I heard her voice. I could not take more so I went home. Jill tried to talk to me. the school counselor called her, but I ask to be alone. I went to my room and sat by the wall. I cut my self again, and again. I covered my cuts with rags and sat there. In true pain. Jill came to talk to me to try to make me feel better but i did not speak. I could feel my self bleeding in to the rag as she spoke to me. Then fainted
 
I woke up in the hospital the next day the doctor said I lost a lot of blood. Jill stopped by crying witch made me feel worst. They made me stay a other day to make sure my deep cut would not open. they stitched up three cuts on my right arm and two on my left. They gave me medication and all I did that day was sleep.
 
when they let me leave Jill took me to eat I did not eat much. then we went home she spoke to me and she was so nice to me. when we were home she gave me a hug and told me we had to get something. Then she took me to the mental hospital. i looked at her and said " Jill please don't, i'm sorry" in tears she said " I have too, and they already know your coming." I went in and the first thing they did is take all my clothing off and checked all my cuts and scars. Then gave me like a robe thing to were at first they put me in a room alone later they gave me a roommate. I hated being there. and all the medication would do is make feel sick. The food was so dry or too wet. every day sucked...
 day after day I lost more of my sanity tell I got to the point where I could not tell if what I was seeing was in my head or true.  
I would see her, heir her. I could not think... I do not remember this but from wait the told me was I truly lost my mind. They told me I stopped talking and that randomly I would freak out and try to run away hurting every one who got in my way
 
tell one day that I almost remember it felt like just like that I was in existence. and I was in a white pillowed room. it took me three days to remember who I was and yet after that. That was when every thing truly changed.