Complicated Contemplaton

I often contemplate,
how the world operates.
Some demonstrate and others imitate.
Some believe in fate.
I believe it's up to me, how it all consummates.
I digress, need to concentrate.
Easily swayed, need to keep it straight.

Life often comes down to fight or flight.
I've lost sight of which is right.
Blinded by the constant conflict,
numbed by my so called peaceful pipe.
Each morning reminds me of the night before.
Sanity fading, feeling jaded
each day's starting to be a chore.

Once I wanted more.
But as the petals dropped and
hope got lost. Longing for longevity
became the cost, of an intoxicated
string of instances that needs to stop.

It needs to stop, and I tried..
But the battle upon my shoulder's
over and the angels fought and lost,
which is why I'm so lost inside.